Well, I learned a bunch of things this month. I learned how to say "I'm one of the Infectious Disease doctors" in Spanish. I learned that I still have a lot of Spanish left to learn. I learned all the weird ways you can catch infectious diarrhea (hint: there are a lot of options if you spend 2 weeks on a Mexican ranch). I learned that even the smartest doctors get stumped sometimes. I learned ways to be a better learner. I learned that you have to remind my dad to make the green bean casserole or it won't get done (totally unrelated to work, obviously). I learned that I've gotten way more efficient at seeing patients, and that not every call shift through the NICU has to be bad. I learned that most high school choirs learn "The Hallelujah Chorus". I learned that clindamycin resistance is increasing big time because we use it so much (like you care).
And even though I have been working through Christmas and had to open presents by myself, I've learned that if I have to spend Christmas away from my family, I'd rather spend it here.
But now, bring on vacation!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Santa Baby
Love, love, LOVE it when Christmas time is here (I know, it's still Advent, but you get the point...it's COMING!). People just seem to be happier. I've got the Christmas music on, the tree up, my Martinsville Candy Kitchen candy canes arrived yesterday (should've ordered WAY more), I've got my peppermint mocha coffee (thanks, Calie!), and even at the hospital, decorations are going up like Whoa!
Last night was the annual CMH Resident Christmas party, and it was a good one. We had a really good turn out for our little progressive dinner/celebration. Hard to beat being around cute babies, great friends, good food, and a little bubbly, but I think the sing-along, top-of-our-lungs Handel's Messiah around the piano kind of took the cake (Or maybe What's Love Got To Do With It--that was fun too!).
Not quite looking forward to working overnight on Christmas, but I am looking forward to maybe some snow, perhaps a few more Christmas cookies, the last couple of weeks of Advent, breaking into those candy canes, and sending out some Christmas cards. 'Tis the season!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Tossed about
I'm feeling very upbeat this week, and is it sad that that feels a little bit out of the ordinary? With hanging out with friends, getting decent sleep, learning a lot at work, and Christmas coming, life has just been good. It's hard to imagine a few weeks ago I was kind of ready to throw in the towel with being in the NICU, feeling isolated, missing my family.
I was talking with a friend about how we are like ships tossed in the waves when we are at the mercy of our feelings and emotions, always swaying without any control over our direction (I stole this idea from some theologian/saint, but can't remember who). When things are good, we are happy and we feel like life is good. When things are rough, we can't see the light, and everything is a struggle. We need an anchor. To give us direction and balance. To remind us when things are bad that we don't have to be weighed down by them. And when things are good, that's the time to build habits to get us through the rough times.
So this Advent, let's anchor ourselves in Christ so that we can ride through this crazy life with confidence. Better than getting seasick.
I was talking with a friend about how we are like ships tossed in the waves when we are at the mercy of our feelings and emotions, always swaying without any control over our direction (I stole this idea from some theologian/saint, but can't remember who). When things are good, we are happy and we feel like life is good. When things are rough, we can't see the light, and everything is a struggle. We need an anchor. To give us direction and balance. To remind us when things are bad that we don't have to be weighed down by them. And when things are good, that's the time to build habits to get us through the rough times.
So this Advent, let's anchor ourselves in Christ so that we can ride through this crazy life with confidence. Better than getting seasick.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Residency 2.5: NICU
My first day on call, we had an admission come in that made my heart sink. A C-section gone horribly wrong resulted in the baby being without oxygen for several minutes, depriving his brain and other organs of life. He arrived to us unresponsive, intubated, bleeding from everywhere. His kidneys were in failure, and all the retained water made him so swollen you couldn't open his eyes. His parents sat in agony at his bedside, fearing the worst and hoping for the best. An EEG and MRI suggested significant brain damage, but it was impossible to predict what he would do. How do you balance telling parents the grim truth without shattering every hope of recovery? Wondering whether he would ever be able to breathe on his own and what was best for her son, his mom whispered to him through tears, "You have to show me what to do, buddy." Within the next 24 hours, he began making purposeful movements, regained his gag reflex, and started to work to breathe over the ventilator. A few days later, he was off the vent and learning how to eat. His kidneys healed and the swelling subsided, revealing a very cute baby. He will still struggle, and will almost certainly have significant developmental delays. Even learning to sit will be a challenge, but at least he will struggle while surrounded by parents, grandparents, and a big sister who love him so much.
I saw other babies who didn't make it. It's never fun to work a weekend that makes the staff say, "Normally we don't have that many die at the same time." But stories like the one above made weekends like that a little less painful. Nonetheless, I'm glad to be done for a while with the NICU, and move on the slightly bigger, slightly healthier kids.
I saw other babies who didn't make it. It's never fun to work a weekend that makes the staff say, "Normally we don't have that many die at the same time." But stories like the one above made weekends like that a little less painful. Nonetheless, I'm glad to be done for a while with the NICU, and move on the slightly bigger, slightly healthier kids.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Rex Christi
Today we celebrate the feast day of Christ the King--a King that yes, has conquered death and rules over all, but also a King Who humbled Himself, Who let Himself be beaten down, rejected, denied, betrayed, mocked...for me. And I get upset when I am shot down at work, when I get lonely, when I am not chosen first, when I don't get put on a pedestal for being the best. It seems as good a time as any to break out the Litany of Humility again. Again. Lord, help me remember that blessed are those who are poor, hungry, sorrowful, and persecuted, and that it's okay if I am those things as well.
Litany of Humility
O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From he desire of being honored, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to other, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated (slandered), Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, O Jesus.
That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it..
That others may be esteemed more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I go unnoticed,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I,
provided that I may become as holy as I should,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
Lord, grant us the desire to become Holy through humility.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
The Hard Stuff
When I first started this whole doctor thing, people would say, "It must be so hard to be around sick and dying kids." Yeah, I guess, I would reply, and brush it off, because I hadn't seen the really sick, and I hadn't seen the dying. Pretty much everyone got better and went home, and I thought, this isn't so hard after all. Children are resilient, and medicine has advanced so much. We're in the business of curing kids!
Then came the first death, and the second, and then Heme/Onc, and the NICU. And now every time another "Death Notice" email comes through my Inbox, I cringe, because now I know their names. I remember their faces and their voices, their rooms, their parents, their pajamas and their favorite gatorade flavors. And it's awful. I keep trying to think of a "but" statement, like "but it's worth it" or "but I'm grateful to be a part of it" except that today, getting another email, and remembering yet another face, I don't have a silver lining. It's just hard.
Then came the first death, and the second, and then Heme/Onc, and the NICU. And now every time another "Death Notice" email comes through my Inbox, I cringe, because now I know their names. I remember their faces and their voices, their rooms, their parents, their pajamas and their favorite gatorade flavors. And it's awful. I keep trying to think of a "but" statement, like "but it's worth it" or "but I'm grateful to be a part of it" except that today, getting another email, and remembering yet another face, I don't have a silver lining. It's just hard.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Grateful
for seeing babies get better and get to go home
for days off and cinnamon rolls
for a warm bed
for music that lifts my heart to God
for family that ALWAYS keeps me company on my drive home
for a Broncos comeback win
for my health
for God's constant forgiveness
for patients that change my life
for hugs that last a full 7 seconds
for library books
for new super warm gloves
for you!
for days off and cinnamon rolls
for a warm bed
for music that lifts my heart to God
for family that ALWAYS keeps me company on my drive home
for a Broncos comeback win
for my health
for God's constant forgiveness
for patients that change my life
for hugs that last a full 7 seconds
for library books
for new super warm gloves
for you!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Residency 2.4: Behavior and Development
Sorry I'm a bit late in posting last month's recap. It was a lovely month in terms of hours--clinic work and such, with a few float in shifts. We had a wide variety of clinics and things to observe--psych visits for ADHD, anxiety, depression; behavioral counseling for toilet training and temper tantrums; playing with kids at a daycare; evaluations for reading delay and IQ tests--all sorts of different things. One of my most entertaining afternoons came in the hearing clinic, where I got to see all sorts of different strategies for testings very young and/or nonverbal children for hearing loss. I also learned a few tricks for when the patient is faking it--not faking that they heard the beeps, faking that they DON'T. Who would have thought I would ever see an 8 year old faking hearing loss? Seriously!
The over-arching sentiment for the month was relief that my family somehow turned out so normal. I saw so many parents at their wit's end from kids who were messed up, and also kids who were debilitated by dysfunctional parents. Maybe I should have had my parents do a B&D rotation when I was in high school, so they could have seen how good they had it!
At any rate, I'm back to inpatient--this month I'm in the Mercy NICU, and got off to a bit of a rough start (don't get me started on my first call shift), but it's getting better.
Also, Happy November! Where is the time going?????
The over-arching sentiment for the month was relief that my family somehow turned out so normal. I saw so many parents at their wit's end from kids who were messed up, and also kids who were debilitated by dysfunctional parents. Maybe I should have had my parents do a B&D rotation when I was in high school, so they could have seen how good they had it!
At any rate, I'm back to inpatient--this month I'm in the Mercy NICU, and got off to a bit of a rough start (don't get me started on my first call shift), but it's getting better.
Also, Happy November! Where is the time going?????
Sunday, October 16, 2011
A lifetime's not too long...
Cue "Another one bites the dust". Just kidding. Sort of.
We saw another House member married this weekend. And while there was a good mix of surrealism, joy, and "aww" moments that typically accompany weddings, the overwhelming sentiment this weekend (for me anyway; if you have a different sentiment, write your own blog!) was gratitude that friends can truly be friends for life.
The kind of friends that can pick up right where you left off--whether that was four months ago or 5 years ago. The kind of friends that let you pack up their leftovers in your to-go box, that jump on the bed with you to cuddle, that hug for the full 7 seconds it takes to release endorphins, that have so much infectious energy that even I ended up dancing for most of the night and loving it (we're talking crazy, CRAZY amounts of dancing here, people). The kind of friends who know all your quirks--and don't care if you know theirs--and love you anyways. All the time. No matter what.
I don't know when we'll all be together again, but it will be equally epic. And while I wish we could be physically closer, I know that truly, we're not far apart at all.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I am the 1%
I'm sorry for all of those people I may tick off, but I gotta say something.
The latest in a string of political fads, this whole Occupy Wall Street business sounds so kumbaya and modern, but if you get right down to it, it's basically socialism. They're arguing for freedom "to do what you will without the impositions of others." But in their minds, it's really freedom from consequences. The consequences of poor planning, inaction, fiscal irresponsibility, and selfishness. And then someone else gets to foot the bill.
Now, before you go all ballistic on me, I'm not saying that it isn't completely unfair that some people who have devoted their entire lives to a company have found themselves out of a job. And I'm not saying it's not unjust that a college student who worked hard for a degree is unable to find even an entry level job. And I'm certainly not saying that our government isn't broken and that health care is cheap or effective. Believe me, I am NOT saying that.
However, it is so in line with our American entitlement to blame some nebulous "1%" of rich, Wall Street bankers and corrupt government leaders--and then to lump any of us who are blessed enough to be financially secure in with them--for all of the problems the country is facing. Especially when it's the same government leaders they elected. I'm biting my tongue not to say "I told you so."
Wake up, people. This is where all the big-government hand-outs have gotten you: the most expensive healthcare system in the world, a never-ending list of inefficient government committees and practices that have us spiraling in debt, legislation controlled by lobbyists (because the legislators let them), and apparently 99% of you who are sitting around whining about it.
A little perspective from a friend of mine volunteering at a hospital in Malawi (and she would fall into that 1%, by the way):
The latest in a string of political fads, this whole Occupy Wall Street business sounds so kumbaya and modern, but if you get right down to it, it's basically socialism. They're arguing for freedom "to do what you will without the impositions of others." But in their minds, it's really freedom from consequences. The consequences of poor planning, inaction, fiscal irresponsibility, and selfishness. And then someone else gets to foot the bill.
Now, before you go all ballistic on me, I'm not saying that it isn't completely unfair that some people who have devoted their entire lives to a company have found themselves out of a job. And I'm not saying it's not unjust that a college student who worked hard for a degree is unable to find even an entry level job. And I'm certainly not saying that our government isn't broken and that health care is cheap or effective. Believe me, I am NOT saying that.
However, it is so in line with our American entitlement to blame some nebulous "1%" of rich, Wall Street bankers and corrupt government leaders--and then to lump any of us who are blessed enough to be financially secure in with them--for all of the problems the country is facing. Especially when it's the same government leaders they elected. I'm biting my tongue not to say "I told you so."
Wake up, people. This is where all the big-government hand-outs have gotten you: the most expensive healthcare system in the world, a never-ending list of inefficient government committees and practices that have us spiraling in debt, legislation controlled by lobbyists (because the legislators let them), and apparently 99% of you who are sitting around whining about it.
A little perspective from a friend of mine volunteering at a hospital in Malawi (and she would fall into that 1%, by the way):
Yesterday on Wall Street: Well-fed, well-dressed protestors drank Starbucks’ coffee, held up clever signs, and chanted “We are the 99%!”
Yesterday at St. Gabriel’s Hospital: A one-week-old twin died of starvation; her twin had already died shortly after being born. A mother and her baby died in child birth because it took the mother 3 days to get to the hospital and her uterus and bladder ruptured before she arrived. A 2-year-old boy died of cerebral malaria.
I ask the Wall Street protestors: “Who are the 99%?”
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Opa
I'm wishing I could be at home today, reminiscing with my family, looking back at albums full of pictures, telling stories and shedding tears, and remembering a great, great man.
James Richard Zapapas, Sr. died early this morning, peacefully.
I remember the pride in his voice when he talked about The Candy Kitchen and Purdue, how he would tear up talking about how blessed he was to have his family, how he was never without his stack of "gas money", how he would get that smile on his face when he said, "Girls, I think we may just have to get a messy sundae" and how his fingers automatically rearranged his gin rummy hand. I will always remember his generosity and how important family was to him--perhaps his two biggest legacies.
And I will always, always be proud to be a Zapapas.
James Richard Zapapas, Sr. died early this morning, peacefully.
I remember the pride in his voice when he talked about The Candy Kitchen and Purdue, how he would tear up talking about how blessed he was to have his family, how he was never without his stack of "gas money", how he would get that smile on his face when he said, "Girls, I think we may just have to get a messy sundae" and how his fingers automatically rearranged his gin rummy hand. I will always remember his generosity and how important family was to him--perhaps his two biggest legacies.
And I will always, always be proud to be a Zapapas.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Residency 2.3: Heme/Onc
I don't really know if it's possible to give you an idea of what the last month was like for me on the Hematology/Oncology service (blood disorders and cancer). I had heard a LOT of different things about Heme/Onc going into it (it's super depressing, those kids are sick as snot, these will be your favorite families of all of residency, etc), and had equally as many feelings about starting (mostly terror at the "depressing" and "sick as snot" parts, also dreading the 28-hour calls and looking forward to working with the great group of residents that were on service with me). It was all of the above and more.
It was not being able to sleep at night because I was afraid one of my patients wouldn't make it through until the next morning. It was blowing bubbles with one of my patients who was bed-ridden and dying, but loved swatting at bubbles. It was rejoicing at baby steps, like tolerating 2 extra ounces of formula a day or having a one-point decrease in pain scores. It was seeing bald toddlers ride Big Wheels through the halls like there was a devil on their tail, and then having the bald 17-year old wish that they made adult size Big Wheels (cause they should).
There were days when I had to cry because it wasn't fair and days when I stood in awe of the strength and grace with which many of these patients and families dealt with the unimaginable.
One thing I heard before starting that I know is true is that after this month, I know I have nothing to complain about. And I know that even though I moved on to the next rotation, these patients will continue to impact me and will hold a very special place in my heart.
It was not being able to sleep at night because I was afraid one of my patients wouldn't make it through until the next morning. It was blowing bubbles with one of my patients who was bed-ridden and dying, but loved swatting at bubbles. It was rejoicing at baby steps, like tolerating 2 extra ounces of formula a day or having a one-point decrease in pain scores. It was seeing bald toddlers ride Big Wheels through the halls like there was a devil on their tail, and then having the bald 17-year old wish that they made adult size Big Wheels (cause they should).
There were days when I had to cry because it wasn't fair and days when I stood in awe of the strength and grace with which many of these patients and families dealt with the unimaginable.
One thing I heard before starting that I know is true is that after this month, I know I have nothing to complain about. And I know that even though I moved on to the next rotation, these patients will continue to impact me and will hold a very special place in my heart.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Priceless
US Women visit KC...
Abby Wambach goal--check.
Priceless Pia quotes--check.
'Pinoe's Hair shirt--check.
16,191 fans chanting non-stop--check.
Cara getting Hope Solo to sign her shirt.....CHECK! (Still can't believe it!)
I love everything about this team. Cara asked me who my favorite player was and I think I listed off six names before I realized that I can't pick just one. They are all amazing examples of dedication, creativity, poise, and heart.
Pia admitted it wasn't the best soccer we've seen from these women, but she just wanted them to enjoy, and I'm pretty sure we got that down. Kansas City turned out in great form to welcome home our team. The frenzy ignited during the World Cup is still in full force as a whole new generation of fans learns the finer points of following the USWNT. I think my favorite was when a girl behind me, about eight years old, commented on a Canadian shot on goal: "You have to kick it harder than that to get it past Hope." (yeah, you do)
You know you've come a long way from "Mia who?" when Nike sells out of a shirt featuring nothing more than the outline of a certain midfielder's now-iconic hair.
Abby Wambach goal--check.
Priceless Pia quotes--check.
'Pinoe's Hair shirt--check.
16,191 fans chanting non-stop--check.
Cara getting Hope Solo to sign her shirt.....CHECK! (Still can't believe it!)
I love everything about this team. Cara asked me who my favorite player was and I think I listed off six names before I realized that I can't pick just one. They are all amazing examples of dedication, creativity, poise, and heart.
Pia admitted it wasn't the best soccer we've seen from these women, but she just wanted them to enjoy, and I'm pretty sure we got that down. Kansas City turned out in great form to welcome home our team. The frenzy ignited during the World Cup is still in full force as a whole new generation of fans learns the finer points of following the USWNT. I think my favorite was when a girl behind me, about eight years old, commented on a Canadian shot on goal: "You have to kick it harder than that to get it past Hope." (yeah, you do)
You know you've come a long way from "Mia who?" when Nike sells out of a shirt featuring nothing more than the outline of a certain midfielder's now-iconic hair.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Wake Up Call
Every now and then I like to sneak in a story from my childhood, just to remind you of a) how wonderfully precocious I was, b) how nutso my family is, or c) how amazing it is that I turned out as good as I did. Today's story just may fall into all three.
Most of you can probably imagine the chore it was for my poor mom to get four of us ready in the morning. I mean, hard enough getting four kids to brush their teeth (and actually hit the sink when they spit), getting us into matching clothes, getting us to all agree on something semi-nutritious for breakfast (actually, mom excelled at breakfast!), and getting us all seat-belted in to the sometimes-working Mustang...and on time. But I think the hardest part was actually waking us up. "Girls, time to get up" seventeen times just wasn't doing it, even when the bright light right by my face came on and refused to go off in response to my incessant whining. No, the 100% guaranteed way to get those Zapapas girls up and going in the morning was...are you ready...Dolly Parton!
True story. After my Dad wowed the Loveboat with his "Here You Come Again" singalong on my grandparents anniversary Alaskan cruise (another story worth telling sometime...or you can come over and watch the video), my parents purchased a cassette tape of Dolly's best, appropriately titled, "The Best There Is" to commemorate the performance. It became part of the soundtrack of our childhood.
Soon there was nothing more my mother had to do to than fast-forward to the start of "9 to 5" (a lot harder before the age of CDs) and crank the volume. Michelle and I would hear that unmistakable "Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum" and before the first line of the chorus, we were out of bed, down the stairs, and rocking out in the living room, belting middle-aged career disillusionment at the top of our lungs. Fortunately, I think the next song was considerably more mellow and made for a great time to herd us upstairs for said teeth-brushing and clothes-matching. And after waffles or egg sandwiches, we were in the Mustang and off for learning. On time!
If only I could somehow program my pager to go off with "Tumble outta bed and stumble to the kitchen..." it would make my call shifts a little more enjoyable.
Most of you can probably imagine the chore it was for my poor mom to get four of us ready in the morning. I mean, hard enough getting four kids to brush their teeth (and actually hit the sink when they spit), getting us into matching clothes, getting us to all agree on something semi-nutritious for breakfast (actually, mom excelled at breakfast!), and getting us all seat-belted in to the sometimes-working Mustang...and on time. But I think the hardest part was actually waking us up. "Girls, time to get up" seventeen times just wasn't doing it, even when the bright light right by my face came on and refused to go off in response to my incessant whining. No, the 100% guaranteed way to get those Zapapas girls up and going in the morning was...are you ready...Dolly Parton!
True story. After my Dad wowed the Loveboat with his "Here You Come Again" singalong on my grandparents anniversary Alaskan cruise (another story worth telling sometime...or you can come over and watch the video), my parents purchased a cassette tape of Dolly's best, appropriately titled, "The Best There Is" to commemorate the performance. It became part of the soundtrack of our childhood.
Soon there was nothing more my mother had to do to than fast-forward to the start of "9 to 5" (a lot harder before the age of CDs) and crank the volume. Michelle and I would hear that unmistakable "Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum" and before the first line of the chorus, we were out of bed, down the stairs, and rocking out in the living room, belting middle-aged career disillusionment at the top of our lungs. Fortunately, I think the next song was considerably more mellow and made for a great time to herd us upstairs for said teeth-brushing and clothes-matching. And after waffles or egg sandwiches, we were in the Mustang and off for learning. On time!
If only I could somehow program my pager to go off with "Tumble outta bed and stumble to the kitchen..." it would make my call shifts a little more enjoyable.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Remembering
I don't have profound thoughts to share today, but like so many, I feel a need to say something. Ten years ago, I remember as we all struggled to wrap our minds around the unimaginable, there was this urgent, very tangible need to share where we were, how we heard, who we knew. I found myself drawn by this compulsion to take in everything I could--photos, testimonies, articles, videos, mementos. People emailed stories and reflections, trying to make sense of it all, needing to put to words the turmoil that they felt inside. I think we all knew that so many years later, as we would look back, we would need to have it all cemented, something to come back to. We remember in exquisite detail that morning, and we are still sharing. Still in awe of the photos, still proud of those who rushed in and earned the name "hero", still defiant in the face of those who try to break the American spirit. I guess what I'm saying is that in 10 years, even though everything has changed, in some ways, nothing has changed. We still need to be heard, to feel connected, to share in the sufferings of others, to capture in photographs and poems and prose the anguish and the triumph of life. To remember.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Not what you had in mind
I knew this day would come. The day when I deliver truly bad news. How do you tell a 17 year old who has everything going for her in the world that she has cancer? How do you tell her parents that the quick trip they thought they were making to the ER over Labor Day because their doctor's office was closed means they could be spending the next two and a half years shuttling her to and from bone marrow biopsies and chemotherapy appointments, praying that she's one of the ones who make it? How do you tell her she may be in that other percent that won't grow up to be a journalist, or finish gymnastics, or see her dad find the prize-winning barbecue recipe? Thankfully my fellow and attending came in at 10 o'clock at night and were the actual ones to say the word "leukemia" but it still was heart-wrenching and sickening to be there, to see their faces drop. I think I could have handled hysteria better than the teeth-gritting stoicism I got. And as much as I get that knot in my stomach when I'm in her room, I WANT to be there. I WANT to walk with her through these first several days. As much as I need my day off, I HATE that I won't be there tomorrow when she goes down for her bone marrow biopsy. I find myself in the midst of an almost constant prayer for her, for her family, for her doctors, for all those with cancer and their loved ones affected by it. Because really, to hell with cancer. Cancer sucks.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Residency 2.2: Cardiology Clinic
"Are you a hard-hearted person?"
"I'm hard-headed."
"Are you a cold-hearted person?"
"Cold hands, warm heart!"
This was the conversation between one of my attendings and one of my very astute patients during Cardiology Clinic yesterday. I have to say one of my more enjoyable experiences this month was listening to this doctor go through all of the corny "heart" idioms and make the patients and parents laugh. "What's that I hear? Is your heart carrying a tune for someone?"
This month was a blissful call-free, vacation month, so I feel like I hardly worked at all. I got to enjoy my weekends, work out, and even go home for a week. But I also feel like I learned a lot. I got pretty good at listening to heart murmurs, talking to parents about abnormal heart rhythms and passing out, and even started to be able to identify structures on echo. The trick will be if I remember any of this when I do Blue Team in June.
This month I'm on Heme/Onc (blood and cancer disorders) so it will be a lot more taxing, mentally and physically. But I have Day 1 under my belt with no issues (that I know of). Also, I have to say that it's kind of fun to be back inpatient and see everyone again (I missed my Owl Team!). Until next time...
"I'm hard-headed."
"Are you a cold-hearted person?"
"Cold hands, warm heart!"
This was the conversation between one of my attendings and one of my very astute patients during Cardiology Clinic yesterday. I have to say one of my more enjoyable experiences this month was listening to this doctor go through all of the corny "heart" idioms and make the patients and parents laugh. "What's that I hear? Is your heart carrying a tune for someone?"
This month was a blissful call-free, vacation month, so I feel like I hardly worked at all. I got to enjoy my weekends, work out, and even go home for a week. But I also feel like I learned a lot. I got pretty good at listening to heart murmurs, talking to parents about abnormal heart rhythms and passing out, and even started to be able to identify structures on echo. The trick will be if I remember any of this when I do Blue Team in June.
This month I'm on Heme/Onc (blood and cancer disorders) so it will be a lot more taxing, mentally and physically. But I have Day 1 under my belt with no issues (that I know of). Also, I have to say that it's kind of fun to be back inpatient and see everyone again (I missed my Owl Team!). Until next time...
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Monkey off the back
A little belated vacation blogging. While there were many notables from the trip back to CO, I'd say the one I was most glad to check off was finally checking Mt. Evans off of our 14er list (cue "Hail the Conquering Hero"). It was back in the summer of 2005 when Michelle, Dad, and I attempted Evans for the first time. Dad being the only one who had ever done a 14er, we left him in charge of directions, planning, packing lists, etc. After (very little?) researching, he deemed the Bierstadt trail head as the place to start. It was early on in the trip when I, having read the directions, said, "It says we're supposed to cut across this field." Dad: "This trail keeps going." Me: "I know, it says to leave the trail." Dad: "No, I think we keep going." Fast forward 45 minutes, long past any hope of cutting across fields of any kind...Dad: "This is the trail up Evans, right?" Random hiker with a clue: "No, this goes up Bierstadt." Whoops! At least we bagged our first 14er.
The next summer, Dad somehow convinced not only the rest of the family, but our next door neighbors as well, to attempt Evans from the same trail head. I won't go into all the gory details. Needless to say, we hacked through tons of soaking wet scrub oak and swamp land, scrambled up a huge scree field, and then once again, failed to read the directions and tried to go OVER West Evans instead of around it, and had to turn around because of lightening--8 hours later=no summit and very cranky hikers.
Starting out from Summit Lake
I did have a few flashes of "only crazy people climb mountains" when we looked ahead at what was to come, but we kept trucking on, Michelle being a very good hiking partner (I mean, it's practically like hiking with myself!). We successfully found the trail at West Evans (a much easier way to go) and picked our way around the back side until we could see people raising their arms above their heads on the summit. I had a hard time controlling my joy when I knew that we had made it--FINALLY beat Mt. Evans, after 6 years of having it nag at the back of my mind.
Summit Bears at the top!
Next, we'll have to re-try Colombia and Harvard so we can get those off the list too.
Looking back on the hike. The summit is on the left. West Evans on the right.
The next summer, Dad somehow convinced not only the rest of the family, but our next door neighbors as well, to attempt Evans from the same trail head. I won't go into all the gory details. Needless to say, we hacked through tons of soaking wet scrub oak and swamp land, scrambled up a huge scree field, and then once again, failed to read the directions and tried to go OVER West Evans instead of around it, and had to turn around because of lightening--8 hours later=no summit and very cranky hikers.
Well, so you can see why we have avoided Evans or any mention of it for 5 years. But being that Michelle and I were on our own for this one (another long story) and didn't want to drive 4 hours to try Massive, we opted for the very close Mt. Evans. This time, we would go from the OTHER side, the NORMAL side. We decided to pass Echo Lake and start from Summit Lake for the sake of timing and sanity (15.5 miles vs. 5.5).
Starting out from Summit Lake
Summit Bears at the top!
Looking back on the hike. The summit is on the left. West Evans on the right.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Unsophisticated
The month of May in "The Happiness Project" is devoted to getting serious about play--making the most of leisure time. One of the author's discoveries resonated with me.
"I love the idea of playing chess, going to a lecture on international markets, doing crossword puzzles, getting a pedicure, eating a dinner at a hot new restaurant, or having a subscription to the opera...I wish I enjoyed them. But I don't."
I happen to love crossword puzzles, but I get the sentiment. She felt guilty for not having more cultured interests and hid her love of children's books because she thought she should be reading more mature themes.
I think to a certain extent, we all hide behind our more "legitimate" hobbies. My sister recently told me that at first she was embarrassed to tell everyone that our family vacation last year was to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter (she got over it). And I admit, I'm much more likely to tell someone that I saw "Mamma Mia", went to the Monet exhibit, and listened to Learn Italian CDs this weekend (which I did--wow, cultured weekend!) than I am to say that I had just as much fun playing Girl Talk Jenga and watching The Lightning Thief last month at work.
But if there is one thing being hammered into my head as I read "The Happiness Project", it's that, in order to be happy, I have to first "Be Laura" (well, the author says, "be Gretchen", but you get the point). I must stretch myself, yes, and go outside my comfort zone, but I must also admit that I will NEVER enjoy dancing in public, shopping for clothes, or oysters. And that I happen to like adolescent fiction, SpongeBob easy mac, Disney movies, and Dolly Parton songs.
I think C.S. Lewis hit the nail on the head: "When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
So if in the near future, you find yourself wanting to fingerpaint, play on a swingset, watch cartoons, or order a Shirley Temple, I say go for it! We can always go to the opera next weekend.
"I love the idea of playing chess, going to a lecture on international markets, doing crossword puzzles, getting a pedicure, eating a dinner at a hot new restaurant, or having a subscription to the opera...I wish I enjoyed them. But I don't."
I happen to love crossword puzzles, but I get the sentiment. She felt guilty for not having more cultured interests and hid her love of children's books because she thought she should be reading more mature themes.
I think to a certain extent, we all hide behind our more "legitimate" hobbies. My sister recently told me that at first she was embarrassed to tell everyone that our family vacation last year was to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter (she got over it). And I admit, I'm much more likely to tell someone that I saw "Mamma Mia", went to the Monet exhibit, and listened to Learn Italian CDs this weekend (which I did--wow, cultured weekend!) than I am to say that I had just as much fun playing Girl Talk Jenga and watching The Lightning Thief last month at work.
But if there is one thing being hammered into my head as I read "The Happiness Project", it's that, in order to be happy, I have to first "Be Laura" (well, the author says, "be Gretchen", but you get the point). I must stretch myself, yes, and go outside my comfort zone, but I must also admit that I will NEVER enjoy dancing in public, shopping for clothes, or oysters. And that I happen to like adolescent fiction, SpongeBob easy mac, Disney movies, and Dolly Parton songs.
I think C.S. Lewis hit the nail on the head: "When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
So if in the near future, you find yourself wanting to fingerpaint, play on a swingset, watch cartoons, or order a Shirley Temple, I say go for it! We can always go to the opera next weekend.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
A little happier
I checked out "The Happiness Project" from the library this week. Not that I'm a huge fan of the self-help section in general--I think too many people are looking for someone else to tell them how to live their lives (newsflash--it's already been done, and it's called the Bible)--however, I do occasionally enjoy what's been called "stunt non-fiction"--someone's journey of self-discovery (see also: Eat, Pray, Love), and I like the way this one is written. Much more realistic than trekking across the globe for a year.
Anyways, the author split her year into month-long blocks working on specific areas of her life, just small changes right where she was at. January=Boosting Energy. Some of the things in this chapter I already do well--going to sleep earlier, (occasionally) exercising. Some things I do NOT do well--among them the "toss, restore, organize" item, and "tackle a nagging task." I get SUPER lazy and leave things where they fall, and then I can't ever get motivated to check simple things off the list. I use the excuse of working 80 hours a week, but still, even without reading this chapter, I knew that this tendency makes me less happy than I could be. So now I became motivated to do those things that I have been meaning to do FOR. EVER. Today I fixed my consecration bracelet, bought a new electric toothbrush, and threw out a bunch of crap that had to go--my old palm pilot (which was actually Michelle's old palm pilot that I borrowed cause mine broke, but never figured out how to use...3 years ago!), two old retreat candles, a quarter of a bottle of wine that was opened last year, several toys with the tags still on, and most importantly, I emptied my Honeydukes candy jar of the hard candy I don't like so I can fill it with stuff I do like (WHY has this taken me 10 months to do???).
I know it doesn't sound like much, but it was totally satisfying, if not directly happiness-inducing.
***Side note: if you want the fast road to happiness, I highly recommend Lidia's pasta trio and the nutella dessert with coffee--YUM!
Anyways, the author split her year into month-long blocks working on specific areas of her life, just small changes right where she was at. January=Boosting Energy. Some of the things in this chapter I already do well--going to sleep earlier, (occasionally) exercising. Some things I do NOT do well--among them the "toss, restore, organize" item, and "tackle a nagging task." I get SUPER lazy and leave things where they fall, and then I can't ever get motivated to check simple things off the list. I use the excuse of working 80 hours a week, but still, even without reading this chapter, I knew that this tendency makes me less happy than I could be. So now I became motivated to do those things that I have been meaning to do FOR. EVER. Today I fixed my consecration bracelet, bought a new electric toothbrush, and threw out a bunch of crap that had to go--my old palm pilot (which was actually Michelle's old palm pilot that I borrowed cause mine broke, but never figured out how to use...3 years ago!), two old retreat candles, a quarter of a bottle of wine that was opened last year, several toys with the tags still on, and most importantly, I emptied my Honeydukes candy jar of the hard candy I don't like so I can fill it with stuff I do like (WHY has this taken me 10 months to do???).
I know it doesn't sound like much, but it was totally satisfying, if not directly happiness-inducing.
***Side note: if you want the fast road to happiness, I highly recommend Lidia's pasta trio and the nutella dessert with coffee--YUM!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Residency 2.1: Owl Team--The Final Battle
Yup, you read that right--we're now in version 2.0 of residency--watch out world! Now that I'm a PL2 (Pediatric Level 2 for those of you uninitiated), I get the esteemed privilege of no longer writing notes (not counting the PICU, Heme-Onc, ER, clinic, Green Team...wait, how is this a change?) Just kidding, not having to write H&Ps makes admissions SO much faster on my end! "Oh, you need me to sup that admission? No big deal, I'll just go listen to their heart and then click through a pre-typed order set and let the intern do all the work." Awesome! (Don't worry, I try to do a LITTLE more work than that)
So besides those things, being a senior isn't so different. And it wasn't so scary. I have been well-prepared over the last year to do a better job assessing the patients, interpreting information, weighing options, troubleshooting, doing some very fast reading on the fly, and then calling for help when I need it (see "GCS of 4" above).
And we had a ton of fun this month. I know you guys think we don't ever work at night just because we have time to play Kinect and Girl Talk Jenga and Bananagrams, and make homemade ice cream and butterbeer and watch movies and 4 straight hours of Lingo. We do work, I promise. We just get really good at squeezing in all the fun and good food we can. It's okay, you can be jealous.
Nate and me playing SingStar on our last night
You can also be jealous that I am DONE with Owl Team forever! And of the fact that I'm on Cardiology Clinic this month--Call Free! Weekends off, no overnights, or even late nights. Woohoo! See you next time!
I also get to carry... The Phones! So, each team has a phone and a pager. The intern carries the pager, which is how all the nurses bug you about those tylenol orders and minor things like a GCS of 4 (look it up, non-responsiveness can be fun!). The phones are for getting checkout on new admissions and for secret communication between seniors (wait, that was a secret). As an intern, I was a little jealous of the phones. It meant that when you paged someone (especially the attendings at home), you didn't have to sit glued to a phone until they called back--cause you have one on your belt! It meant that you're (theoretocally) knowledgeable enough to take checkout on new patients, even from outside hospitals (umm, let's just say that if you have the chance, I highly HIGHLY recommend taking your kids to pediatric hospitals--we've all seen WAY too many scary things done to kids at regular hospitals before they get transferred to us). It meant that you could say, "Call me if you need me" and send the intern off to check on that Gold Team kid whose mom was asking for benadryl when their kid is asleep.
However, now that I actually get to have the phones, I know it's not all fun and games (although I still feel sort of important when I get to tell docs at the other hospitals what to do). But alas, having the phones also means that you can never get too comfortable sitting down with a family, eating dinner, or going to the bathroom, because you are ALWAYS reachable. It means that you are the one who has to wake up the attending in the middle of the night to ask them a question (which is SUPER awkward when you call the WRONG attending...oops!) And good luck keeping your pants up when you have to carry FOUR of them at the same time.
My special belt now that I have The Phones
However, now that I actually get to have the phones, I know it's not all fun and games (although I still feel sort of important when I get to tell docs at the other hospitals what to do). But alas, having the phones also means that you can never get too comfortable sitting down with a family, eating dinner, or going to the bathroom, because you are ALWAYS reachable. It means that you are the one who has to wake up the attending in the middle of the night to ask them a question (which is SUPER awkward when you call the WRONG attending...oops!) And good luck keeping your pants up when you have to carry FOUR of them at the same time.
My special belt now that I have The PhonesSo besides those things, being a senior isn't so different. And it wasn't so scary. I have been well-prepared over the last year to do a better job assessing the patients, interpreting information, weighing options, troubleshooting, doing some very fast reading on the fly, and then calling for help when I need it (see "GCS of 4" above).
And we had a ton of fun this month. I know you guys think we don't ever work at night just because we have time to play Kinect and Girl Talk Jenga and Bananagrams, and make homemade ice cream and butterbeer and watch movies and 4 straight hours of Lingo. We do work, I promise. We just get really good at squeezing in all the fun and good food we can. It's okay, you can be jealous.
Nate and me playing SingStar on our last nightYou can also be jealous that I am DONE with Owl Team forever! And of the fact that I'm on Cardiology Clinic this month--Call Free! Weekends off, no overnights, or even late nights. Woohoo! See you next time!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
It all ends here
Well, it's all over. The great saga has ended. Can you believe we've been watching them on screen for 10 years? TEN! No wonder it felt like seeing old friends. We had a great crowd too, and you could feel the excitement in the theater--the applause when Molly Weasley gave Bellatrix her due, the (albeit quiet) cheers when Neville took down the final horcrux, the laughter when Maggie Smith delivered one of many of her perfect lines. I thought they did a great job with lots of difficult scenes that had high expectations, especially since we were on a time crunch. Snape's death and memories, the Gringott's break-in (really, how fantastic is Helena Bonham Carter?), mourning the dead after the final battle (yeah, I cried)--really the whole battle in general (especially after the horrendous ending of HP6), and althoug
h the makeup was kinda corny in the epilogue, they didn't screw it up too bad. It was a little sad leaving the theater and knowing it's over. And it's hilarious to look back at the first films and see how far we've come. We've truly grown up with these characters and actors. Thanks for a great run, guys!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
OOSA! OOSA! OOSA!
What a wild roller coaster of emotion! I'm pretty sure I'm going to get evicted for noise disturbance after today's game. Ups and downs from Brazil's own goal to the red card to the first save to the re-kick to overtime and the offside goal and all the way down to Abby's brilliant goal and the shoot-out. I went from jumping out of my chair to holding my head in my hands, often within seconds of each other. I can't remember ever seeing such poor officiating. Nor, thankfully, can I remember EVER seeing a team rise to the occasion like the US. Down a player for more than 55 minutes, fighting not only 11 of the most (individually) talented players in the world, but the ref, fatigue, and the prospect of the earliest World Cup exit in the team's history, and never giving up. And then calmly putting away 5 perfect balls and letting Hope do what Hope does best. Is it weird to feel so proud of something I can take no credit for? Cause I am proud. This is awesome soccer. Amazing athletes, extraordinary competitors, unmatched talent and heart. And we get to watch it again tonight on replay. Huzzah!
God bless...
The 4th of July came and went without much recognition from me, being that I was at the hospital seeing the carnage wrought by stupid fireworks celebrations. A fellow resident and I commiserated that it's not really my favorite holiday, except as an excuse to grill out, which I'll take any day. I think the cause gets a bit lost in the festivities. But last night at the Sporting KC game, I was reminded of what an important day it is.
The start of the National Anthem was lost amidst a host of pre-game announcements and crowds of people trying to grab dinner and find their seats. But as the notes of the song began to rise above the din, people began to turn to the flag, stop what they were doing, remove their caps, place their hands over their hearts. Concessions lines froze, screaming kids quieted, and for a precious few seconds, it didn't matter your political bent or how much you think this country is going to pot or how many bumper stickers you have on your car--it was enough to pause and be thankful that we are free enough to have these opinions. To be grateful for the men and women who have given so much so that the flag could fly. So, a belated Happy Independence Day to all those who recognize that it's worth celebrating (even if you're like me and could do without the fireworks).
The start of the National Anthem was lost amidst a host of pre-game announcements and crowds of people trying to grab dinner and find their seats. But as the notes of the song began to rise above the din, people began to turn to the flag, stop what they were doing, remove their caps, place their hands over their hearts. Concessions lines froze, screaming kids quieted, and for a precious few seconds, it didn't matter your political bent or how much you think this country is going to pot or how many bumper stickers you have on your car--it was enough to pause and be thankful that we are free enough to have these opinions. To be grateful for the men and women who have given so much so that the flag could fly. So, a belated Happy Independence Day to all those who recognize that it's worth celebrating (even if you're like me and could do without the fireworks).
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Top Ten
Things I loved about Intern Year...in no particular order...
10. Celebrations. It's Valentine's Day; it's our last day of the month; it's somebody's birthday; it's a Tuesday in June--let's party! In residency, we will use any excuse to bring in some cake/donuts/pinata and have ourselves a little shin-dig. Often, it's a bright spot in a long day, because suddenly that 30 hours doesn't seem so bad when there's a chocolate chip cheese ball with Scooby Snack graham crackers.
9. Wearing scrubs to work. This will be even better next year, when short call is done away with and we get to wear scrubs whenever we're not in clinic. Even better are the Pediatrics track jackets that we ordered, that have sort of become our call uniform. Paired with black scrub pants, I get told I look like a Bond girl and a ninja (true story). Paired with red scrub pants (or "clown pants" as Dr. Cedillos likes to call them), I get to match Christina, who is really embarrassed when we match and will now only wear her red pants AFTER I've already worn mine that week. The only problem is they don't come with a belt, and when you have 3 phones and 4 pagers to carry, it's a little hard to keep them up...still working on that one.
8. Owl Team Breakfast. This is by far one of the best traditions of the program so far. Although it's hard to pick just ONE Owl Team tradition to out shine the rest,you can't beat mimosas, sweet potato pancakes, and the lack of Friday morning clinic that accompanies the last weekend of the month. Circle up and re-live all the inside jokes from the month, stuff your face full of non-cafeteria breakfast food, and then go home and sleep in your own bed. Awesome!
7. Kudos. This really is probably my favorite part of the month--Kudos time at our Housestaff meetings. People send in Kudos for all sorts of things, from random inside jokes to thank-yous for helping out to a job well done. I've laughed myself to tears on multiple occasions. I won't bore you here with a bunch of inside jokes that you won't get, but if you're curious, I have a lot of good ones. Also, it's nice to occasionally get a real Kudos--like for doing a nice job in the ER, or to get a shout out for being awesome with a particular patient.
6. Rocking a procedure. Doesn't matter whether it's threading that UVC away from the liver, tying a stitch and seeing the skin come together perfectly, or popping through an LP needle and getting clear, beautiful fluid back--doing a procedure correctly is a pretty good high. Medicine in general is a lot about knowledge and not a lot about skills (unless you're a surgeon), and so when you get to use your hands to do something, it's pretty fun.
5. The kids! Obviously, this is why we do what we do. In the middle of rounds the other day, one 8 year old boy interrupted the presentation, pointed at our senior resident and said, "You're beautiful." I mean, it just doesn't get any better than that.
4. Being well-supported. This is huge for me. There were many times I wandered into the Chiefs office just to have a place to sit and hide while I ate a mini Twix. Times when I was getting slammed with admissions and someone else stepped up to take over even though it wasn't their team. Times when the cross-covering senior resident had to brave angry charge nurses or Gold Team crazies so that I wouldn't have to do it alone. I would hope that it's like this everywhere, but I know it's not, and I'm so grateful I'm here.
3. Outpatient months. Oh, those glorious days of rolling into clinic about 8:30 and rolling on out around 5. Getting a nice lunch break and not having to round. Oh, and vacation eligible, you say? Yes please!
2. My fellow 'terns. Holy cow, I can't even put into words how blessed I feel to be able to work alongside the rest of my class. They are smart, funny, hard-working, caring, and some of them are really good cooks! We have made it through a crazy year, and have 2 more crazy years left, and I couldn't ask for a better group.
And the number ONE best things about Intern Year--IT'S OVER! That's right kids, I made it! I am no longer the bottom of the totem pole. As of today, there is someone else going to be holding the pager and writing the notes. Of course, that also means that there's no one else telling me what to do when that pager does go off...cause that's now my job. Here's to being a senior resident!
10. Celebrations. It's Valentine's Day; it's our last day of the month; it's somebody's birthday; it's a Tuesday in June--let's party! In residency, we will use any excuse to bring in some cake/donuts/pinata and have ourselves a little shin-dig. Often, it's a bright spot in a long day, because suddenly that 30 hours doesn't seem so bad when there's a chocolate chip cheese ball with Scooby Snack graham crackers.
9. Wearing scrubs to work. This will be even better next year, when short call is done away with and we get to wear scrubs whenever we're not in clinic. Even better are the Pediatrics track jackets that we ordered, that have sort of become our call uniform. Paired with black scrub pants, I get told I look like a Bond girl and a ninja (true story). Paired with red scrub pants (or "clown pants" as Dr. Cedillos likes to call them), I get to match Christina, who is really embarrassed when we match and will now only wear her red pants AFTER I've already worn mine that week. The only problem is they don't come with a belt, and when you have 3 phones and 4 pagers to carry, it's a little hard to keep them up...still working on that one.
8. Owl Team Breakfast. This is by far one of the best traditions of the program so far. Although it's hard to pick just ONE Owl Team tradition to out shine the rest,you can't beat mimosas, sweet potato pancakes, and the lack of Friday morning clinic that accompanies the last weekend of the month. Circle up and re-live all the inside jokes from the month, stuff your face full of non-cafeteria breakfast food, and then go home and sleep in your own bed. Awesome!
7. Kudos. This really is probably my favorite part of the month--Kudos time at our Housestaff meetings. People send in Kudos for all sorts of things, from random inside jokes to thank-yous for helping out to a job well done. I've laughed myself to tears on multiple occasions. I won't bore you here with a bunch of inside jokes that you won't get, but if you're curious, I have a lot of good ones. Also, it's nice to occasionally get a real Kudos--like for doing a nice job in the ER, or to get a shout out for being awesome with a particular patient.
6. Rocking a procedure. Doesn't matter whether it's threading that UVC away from the liver, tying a stitch and seeing the skin come together perfectly, or popping through an LP needle and getting clear, beautiful fluid back--doing a procedure correctly is a pretty good high. Medicine in general is a lot about knowledge and not a lot about skills (unless you're a surgeon), and so when you get to use your hands to do something, it's pretty fun.
5. The kids! Obviously, this is why we do what we do. In the middle of rounds the other day, one 8 year old boy interrupted the presentation, pointed at our senior resident and said, "You're beautiful." I mean, it just doesn't get any better than that.
4. Being well-supported. This is huge for me. There were many times I wandered into the Chiefs office just to have a place to sit and hide while I ate a mini Twix. Times when I was getting slammed with admissions and someone else stepped up to take over even though it wasn't their team. Times when the cross-covering senior resident had to brave angry charge nurses or Gold Team crazies so that I wouldn't have to do it alone. I would hope that it's like this everywhere, but I know it's not, and I'm so grateful I'm here.
3. Outpatient months. Oh, those glorious days of rolling into clinic about 8:30 and rolling on out around 5. Getting a nice lunch break and not having to round. Oh, and vacation eligible, you say? Yes please!
2. My fellow 'terns. Holy cow, I can't even put into words how blessed I feel to be able to work alongside the rest of my class. They are smart, funny, hard-working, caring, and some of them are really good cooks! We have made it through a crazy year, and have 2 more crazy years left, and I couldn't ask for a better group.
And the number ONE best things about Intern Year--IT'S OVER! That's right kids, I made it! I am no longer the bottom of the totem pole. As of today, there is someone else going to be holding the pager and writing the notes. Of course, that also means that there's no one else telling me what to do when that pager does go off...cause that's now my job. Here's to being a senior resident!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Residency 1.12: The Purps
I'm 2 days away from finishing my month on Purple Team. More importantly, I'm 2 days away from finishing my Intern Year. This was a month of a lot of learning (thanks, Molly, for the board questions--I got all 4 right today, I can feel myself getting smarter!). It's interesting because I've pretty much been dreading the end of this month ever since March, when I found out I'd be starting second year on Owl Team. Dreading the day when I no longer had a senior over me to tell me what the right answer was. I thought I would never be ready to be the one making the final decisions. And as I near the end, surprisingly I'm pretty ready to move forward. Granted, I'm sure come July 1st, I'll probably still be like, "Um, I don't know, yesterday I was an Intern." But boy howdy, compared to the new interns, I'll have my stuff down! I think I'm finally ready to move on, to have more responsibility, more say in how things go, and less note-writing (!).
This was a really good month, full of basic pathology and really complex kids. In addition to the gen peds kids, we also were covering the renal service, and I got to see 2 kids get kidney transplants and a chance at a much more normal life--very cool! Of course, we also have the flip side--the kid who, because of a bad infection, basically has no kidney function left, and will require dialysis and likely transplant in the long term. But even that cloud has a silver lining, as we've been able to watch him slowly recover, celebrate his 8th birthday, and get back to eating tacos, which he loves. He popped in the workroom yesterday just to say "Hi!" and it totally made my day. I think he'll get to go home this week, which I don't think any of us would have even hoped for a week ago.
When I see these sick kids--the truly sick ones--get better, it is a humbling and awesome experience. For all the complaining we tend to do about ridiculous pages and long hours and the dreaded 5:55 admit, I wouldn't trade places with anyone for the world. I'm glad that at the end of the first year, I still see it that way.
Stay tuned for version 2.0...
This was a really good month, full of basic pathology and really complex kids. In addition to the gen peds kids, we also were covering the renal service, and I got to see 2 kids get kidney transplants and a chance at a much more normal life--very cool! Of course, we also have the flip side--the kid who, because of a bad infection, basically has no kidney function left, and will require dialysis and likely transplant in the long term. But even that cloud has a silver lining, as we've been able to watch him slowly recover, celebrate his 8th birthday, and get back to eating tacos, which he loves. He popped in the workroom yesterday just to say "Hi!" and it totally made my day. I think he'll get to go home this week, which I don't think any of us would have even hoped for a week ago.
When I see these sick kids--the truly sick ones--get better, it is a humbling and awesome experience. For all the complaining we tend to do about ridiculous pages and long hours and the dreaded 5:55 admit, I wouldn't trade places with anyone for the world. I'm glad that at the end of the first year, I still see it that way.
Stay tuned for version 2.0...
Thursday, June 23, 2011
God's work
I just finished reading this book, "Same Kind of Different As Me." I didn't know much about it when I first started reading, except that it was recommended by a friend. And I wasn't warned that I would cry through the last quarter of it, so consider yourself duly warned now. It's a wonderful story about a homeless man who has a lot to teach despite never having set foot in a school, and a wealthy art dealer that lives in his own kind of poverty, and how their lives were changed by one woman's boldness and love. At one point, one of the characters talks about that woman staying on the earth until God had finished His work with her. It made me stop and think about what that work is in my life. It's empty lip service to say that God has a plan for each of us if we never try to figure out what that plan is.The easy answer is that I'm His hands and His words to the patients that I see, but I have to admit that I don't always have that at the forefront of my mind when I walk into a room. There are many days when I'm distracted and impatient, anything but merciful and loving. I can only pray that He will work through me despite myself, and that over time, I may grow more docile and pliable. It's baby steps though, and a lot of steps backwards, it seems. But God is bigger than my failures, and so I do believe that He is doing His work, and He's not finished with me yet.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Check
You know that feeling of checking something off your list? That something that has been nagging you for a week and every time you see that little sticky note, you're like, "Gah! Forgot again!" and then it stays on there for another day because you can't really pick up a library book or go to the bank at 9:30 pm, and once dinner is over, that "Work Out" line ain't never gonna happen. The satisfaction of checking things off makes me create lists just so I can cross 'em out. It's sick, really. Well, you can congratulate me however you choose. I just finished my entire to-do list for today! AND I had time to go to the pool (which was not on my list, but shoulda been)! SUCCESS!!!!!
Don't worry, I've already started my to-do list for my next day off.
Don't worry, I've already started my to-do list for my next day off.
Monday, June 13, 2011
AMDG
I have been reading more of 1000awesomethings.com and "The Book of Awesome", and I also just bought "The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything." They have reminded me that many things in life are, in fact, awesome, and that God can be found in all things. And so the last few weeks, despite being so incredibly busy that I could easily be excused for using all my spare energy for sleeping, have been full of delightful reminders of God's presence. It's actually wonderfully freeing and uplifting to enjoy these moments. They tend to cancel out the moments when you feel like the world is crashing down around you. Toddlers yelling "HI" as they pass by you in the hallway, fajitas with homemade tortillas and fresh guacamole, a fist bump in the ER, recognition for hard work, the right song on the radio at the right time, apple crisp day in the cafeteria (AND peach cobbler day in the same week!), Shirley Temples and cheesy bread with the chiefs, touching cards, free Tequila and Taboo, seeing a sick kid get better, declining gas prices, scoring touchdowns, a glass of wine with a friend at the end of a great day. You may read some of those and think, "What does God have to do with Tequila and gas prices?" If you're really asking that question, the Jesuit spirituality is probably not your bag (I hope that didn't sound like I think that Jesuits are materialistic or alcoholics, that is not what I meant). But if you're like me, you see all these little windows of grace that make your heart smile and you can't help but lift your eyes up and say, Thanks!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Going down with one
My dad told me today that my grandpa forgot how to play gin rummy. Sounds silly, I suppose, but you have to understand. This is a man who lived with a deck of cards within arms reach at all times; who knew more variants on that one game than I know card games period; who sorted his cards with an ingrained muscle memory that I thought he'd never lose. When about five years ago, while sitting at the card table in Florida, he smiled and said, "Now let's see if I can remember how to play this game," we all smiled and thought, "Yeah right, the day Grandad forgets how to play gin, that'll be the day." Well, the day has come. A day when the hand-written note by a proud grandchild stating, "This is to certify that on this date, I beat Grandad in 3 hands of gin" and then signed by both parties doesn't really mean much anymore. A day when he loses something that defined him, however silly that may have seemed to outsiders. Even though he doesn't know what it means, to me he will always be the gin master.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Residency 1.11: ED Round 2
2nd month in the Emergency Department this year. I have to say I rather enjoyed myself. Perhaps it had something to do with the 10 days of vacation and only 10-hour shifts, but still. Summer is definitely "ortho season" as most nights we keep the resident on call busy running from room to room putting casts on kids who came up against a trampoline or a soccer ball and ended up on the losing end. A fair amount of stitches too. My favorite was the kid who flipped off the A/C unit and split his forehead open (Mom's defense: "He's really good at it!"), although there was also the boy who got bit by a horse in the armpit (how does that even happen???). As long as kids are kids, we've got job security, that's for sure. I do like the variety of the ED, just not necessarily the acuity. I may keep urgent care as an option for my future, but don't hold me to it. Until next time...
Monday, May 23, 2011
This is the day...
What a wonderful weekend with lots to celebrate. First, congrats to my favorite youngest sister, Kelly, for graduating with High Honors and being an overall rock star. I'm so proud of you, kiddo.
And secondly, and probably more importantly (sorry Kelly), congratulations to the 8 awesome, Godly men who were ordained to the priesthood on Saturday. It was a blessing to be able to witness their ordination (even though I had to spend the last hour sitting down or risk passing out). But even more so to get to be a part of Fr. John's first Mass last night. I wish I could describe in words for you so you would know. He said afterwards that it was a glimpse of heaven, and it truly was. The Spirit was there last night, moving in powerful ways, as I'm sure He will throughout Fr. John's priesthood. What a privilege to get to celebrate with him, to witness the start of his priestly ministry, to be one of the many lives touched by his humble sacrifice.
And secondly, and probably more importantly (sorry Kelly), congratulations to the 8 awesome, Godly men who were ordained to the priesthood on Saturday. It was a blessing to be able to witness their ordination (even though I had to spend the last hour sitting down or risk passing out). But even more so to get to be a part of Fr. John's first Mass last night. I wish I could describe in words for you so you would know. He said afterwards that it was a glimpse of heaven, and it truly was. The Spirit was there last night, moving in powerful ways, as I'm sure He will throughout Fr. John's priesthood. What a privilege to get to celebrate with him, to witness the start of his priestly ministry, to be one of the many lives touched by his humble sacrifice.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Sleepy little town
Back from a very restful two and a half days in Telluride. Restful like sleep-11-hours-and-then-come-back-and-take-a-nap-in-the-afternoon restful. But I deserved it, because it's hard hiking around in gorgeous mountain air without any oxygen, dangit! I have said it before, I love mountain towns. I love the locally owned shops and the dogs on the sidewalks and the couple in front of you at church who shows up behind you in line for croissants at breakfast. I love the bike share program at the library that gives you your very own hot pink one-speed with foot brakes and a basket to tool around town for a few days. I love the store owners who stop to share a story or learn where you're from and don't mind that you're just wandering through. I definitely love the Road Rash Red local brew, the huge breakfast burritos, and the fried oreos. And even more, I love enjoying God's creation--the mountains, the streams, the colors, the snow--yeah, the snow. All of it. Wonderful.
a breakfast poem for you
very dog friendly
my very own pink bike
a breakfast poem for you
very dog friendly
my very own pink bikeTuesday, May 10, 2011
Live to Eat
My dad says there are those of us who eat to live, and those who live to eat. Clearly, everyone in my family is the latter. We LOVE food. Food is how I experience new places, how I cement memories, how I define events. I just finished a fluff book where the main characters traded Top 5 Food lists, and it inspired me to make my own. Now, as soon as I hit "post" I know I'm going to think of something else that really should have been in the top 5, but I'll rack my brain as I type to get it as accurate as possible.
1. My grandma's mayonnaise cake. I had to throw this on for a couple of reasons. First, pretty much anything my grandma made was better than anyone else's. As it should be. Chicken and noodles, sausage gravy, mini pizzas--all better in Grandma's kitchen, and really all of which could be on the list. But only mayonnaise cake was truly iconic of visits to grandma, and only mayonnaise cake has proven so elusive to re-create. The moist, rich, dark chocolate, the thick icing that didn't turn runny in the Indiana humidity, the way it coated your entire mouth until you downed a huge glass of milk. We've never been able to make it quite like Grandma. When I get to heaven, pretty much the best greeting ever would be Grandma handing me a huge slice, "Laura, I saved you a whole row."
2. The bread pudding at Free State Brewery in Lawrence. In keeping with the dessert theme, this was a treat that I had recently that blew me out of the water. Every bite was an explosion of flavors--warm cherries, homemade ice cream, some sort of sinful cream sauce--yum! As I ate it, I thought, "I would give up chocolate for this!" Yup, I would.
3. Pear ravioli--I can't remember the name of the restaurant we ordered in from in Maxincuckee, so I've never been able to go back, but oh the ravioli was so good! I don't know what was in the filling but it was slightly sweet and nutty and covered in the best cream sauce. Literally every time I have ravioli I think of this meal, gathered around the table at the lake house, listening to the water lap at the dock and watching the sun go down.
4. Bison filet at The Fort--the best (and probably most expensive) steak I've ever had. Cooked to perfection, melt in your mouth tender, and accompanied by a mariachi band singing Michelle and me "Happy Birthday". Too bad you only turn 18 once.
5. Butternut squash soup--at this little cafe that is a favorite of my aunt's. It was warm and creamy and delicious and everything you've ever thought soup should be (the salmon tart that came with it also could go on the list--flaky crust, goat cheese, yum!).
Runners up--Chicago dog at Wrigley (iconic!), grilled corn on the cob from Caldonia's at Taste of Colorado (drip down your chin juicy and slathered in butter), Aunt Carol's sticky buns, most of the Neapolitan pizza that I've ever had.
Okay, gotta stop now before I start drooling on the keyboard. What are your Top 5?
1. My grandma's mayonnaise cake. I had to throw this on for a couple of reasons. First, pretty much anything my grandma made was better than anyone else's. As it should be. Chicken and noodles, sausage gravy, mini pizzas--all better in Grandma's kitchen, and really all of which could be on the list. But only mayonnaise cake was truly iconic of visits to grandma, and only mayonnaise cake has proven so elusive to re-create. The moist, rich, dark chocolate, the thick icing that didn't turn runny in the Indiana humidity, the way it coated your entire mouth until you downed a huge glass of milk. We've never been able to make it quite like Grandma. When I get to heaven, pretty much the best greeting ever would be Grandma handing me a huge slice, "Laura, I saved you a whole row."
2. The bread pudding at Free State Brewery in Lawrence. In keeping with the dessert theme, this was a treat that I had recently that blew me out of the water. Every bite was an explosion of flavors--warm cherries, homemade ice cream, some sort of sinful cream sauce--yum! As I ate it, I thought, "I would give up chocolate for this!" Yup, I would.
3. Pear ravioli--I can't remember the name of the restaurant we ordered in from in Maxincuckee, so I've never been able to go back, but oh the ravioli was so good! I don't know what was in the filling but it was slightly sweet and nutty and covered in the best cream sauce. Literally every time I have ravioli I think of this meal, gathered around the table at the lake house, listening to the water lap at the dock and watching the sun go down.
4. Bison filet at The Fort--the best (and probably most expensive) steak I've ever had. Cooked to perfection, melt in your mouth tender, and accompanied by a mariachi band singing Michelle and me "Happy Birthday". Too bad you only turn 18 once.
5. Butternut squash soup--at this little cafe that is a favorite of my aunt's. It was warm and creamy and delicious and everything you've ever thought soup should be (the salmon tart that came with it also could go on the list--flaky crust, goat cheese, yum!).
Runners up--Chicago dog at Wrigley (iconic!), grilled corn on the cob from Caldonia's at Taste of Colorado (drip down your chin juicy and slathered in butter), Aunt Carol's sticky buns, most of the Neapolitan pizza that I've ever had.
Okay, gotta stop now before I start drooling on the keyboard. What are your Top 5?
Friday, May 6, 2011
Residency 1.10: Truman NICU
Gah--I totally spaced writing last month's rotation summary. Since I know there are so many of you hanging on my every post, let me apologize. But mostly I need to post because if I get behind before intern year is even over, then we're doomed for the rest of residency, and I need to have something to look back and remember this whirlwind by (yup, just ended with a preposition; deal with it).
Ahh, the NICU. Mostly, I'm just glad to be done. Not sure what it was about Truman that pretty much sucked the life out of me. Although in the day-to-day business, I was never all that grumpy, and although I found a lot of little things to be grateful for, I found myself fairly depressed when I would get home from work every day. Even days off became an effort to try to get out of the apartment, or sometimes even dressed for that matter.
And so, I will just summarize this month by saying that I love little babies, I like doing lines, I like managing vents, but I do not like doing it after being awake for 22 hours. The end. Oh, and McFlurries and post-call sausage McMuffins do make quite the silver lining.
Ahh, the NICU. Mostly, I'm just glad to be done. Not sure what it was about Truman that pretty much sucked the life out of me. Although in the day-to-day business, I was never all that grumpy, and although I found a lot of little things to be grateful for, I found myself fairly depressed when I would get home from work every day. Even days off became an effort to try to get out of the apartment, or sometimes even dressed for that matter.
And so, I will just summarize this month by saying that I love little babies, I like doing lines, I like managing vents, but I do not like doing it after being awake for 22 hours. The end. Oh, and McFlurries and post-call sausage McMuffins do make quite the silver lining.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Reality TV
Medical dramas crack me up. I used to watch House during my first year of medical school and try to guess what was on the differential as they went through the case (lupus was always on the list...it's not lupus). It cracks me up how Hollywood portrays medicine. Doctors specialize in everything, you can always find the right answers if you get enough clues, and everyone's make-up is always perfect. Oh, and no one ever knows how to pronounce basic medical terms (drives me CRAZY!). [Side note: I'm watching "Body of Proof" and up until this point, the episode was fairly believable, but Dr. Hunt just opened a guy's belly with a steak knife in his kitchen and didn't even have to cut through any muscle or fascia. That was easy!] In reality, medicine is far less glamorous. There's way too much out there to know everything. I know on House, they do their own CT scans and brain surgery, but we each have our niche, and we learn it very well (This month, mine is catching babies and airway, unless they're sick; then it's catch and get the heck out of the way). We almost never find all the answers, and often we send patients home with a very unsatisfying, "We don't know what it was but it's better now." And I look less than put-together after a 30 hour call (the pillow lines on my face from my half hour of sleep, and the scrub cap that I had to wear half the night didn't help). But I think our version is better. In our version, you get the ecstatic grandmother screaming "Alleluia. Gracias a Dios!" when her granddaughter is born, you get the crazy mom hugging you at 2 in the morning for taking good care of her son when she couldn't, you get a 5 year old drawing pictures of ducks and butterflies for you at her check up. Makes the scrub-cap hair worth it.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Pange lingua gloriosi
As the entire church kneels in utter silence, the altar is stripped of its white linens, the table cleared, even the candle, which is always burning in every church around the world, is extinguished, like the Life given for us. It's a feeling of complete emptiness. One I imagine I would feel every day if it weren't for the Sacrifice that we celebrate this weekend, the Eucharist and the saving act of Our Lord on the cross. Though I often take it for granted amidst the business of my life, tonight, I am truly grateful. May you all have a very Blessed Triduum.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
The miracle of life
Got paged last night to a delivery because the infant's heart rate was dropping. Got into the room all bleary-eyed and out of breath, only to stand there and wait for an hour. The patient, a 21 year old with bipolar disorder who had also recently gotten a steroid burst for asthma (NOT helping her mood stability), was having a little bit of trouble figuring out the difference between "push" and "scream and writhe all over the bed and kick the nurse". The poor nurses and OB residents were being so patient (yet firm) with her, but our peds nurse almost went over and said, "We're about to intubate your baby right now if you don't push him out." At one point, she got tired of pushing and said, "I'm ready for the vacuum cleaner." (I think she misunderstood...haha). The attending, who was called in as a last resort to make sure this baby came out, was very patient as well. As they were whispering about the baby's position and failure to descend (and despite all that effective pushing no less!), the patient goes, "What's going on?" His reply: "You're having a baby." Everything is funnier at 4 in the morning.
I'm now about a third of the way through the NICU rotation over at Truman, and despite a rough start wherein we had no computer or badge access (kinda hard to get work done), we are trudging along. Still don't know much about taking care of tiny babies, but I'm getting really good at calculating how much they're eating. One of my fellow interns says that the OB refresher is really coming in handy as he studies for Step 3. "I suddenly remember what they're talking about. PROM is not a dance you go to and drink fruit punch. Premature rupture of membranes. Boom."
Still have 5 calls left, including 3, count 'em THREE, Saturday calls--yuck! But someone's gotta do 'em. And turns out I don't have a single call by myself (how did that happen?). Someone's watching out for me. And now, if you'll excuse me, gotta enjoy this post-call sunshine while it lasts.
I'm now about a third of the way through the NICU rotation over at Truman, and despite a rough start wherein we had no computer or badge access (kinda hard to get work done), we are trudging along. Still don't know much about taking care of tiny babies, but I'm getting really good at calculating how much they're eating. One of my fellow interns says that the OB refresher is really coming in handy as he studies for Step 3. "I suddenly remember what they're talking about. PROM is not a dance you go to and drink fruit punch. Premature rupture of membranes. Boom."
Still have 5 calls left, including 3, count 'em THREE, Saturday calls--yuck! But someone's gotta do 'em. And turns out I don't have a single call by myself (how did that happen?). Someone's watching out for me. And now, if you'll excuse me, gotta enjoy this post-call sunshine while it lasts.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Residency 1.9: Owl Team, Part Deux
Just got done with my second month of nights, and despite missing the sunshine and socialization in general, I have to say it was a blast! I had such an amazing team, which made all the difference. We had family dinner every night and would laugh so hard our faces hurt. We had a good balance of some very busy nights (almost 20 admissions, spinal taps, PICU transfers, near codes in the ED) and some very chill nights (12 episodes of Friends, 5 episodes of Castle, fondue night).
About halfway through the month, our master schedules came out for next year. And guess who gets to start off with yet another month of Owl Team? You betcha! In my first month as a senior, I'll be basically in charge of half the patients (we have 2 senior residents on at night in the summers) and supervising a bunch of squirrly interns fresh out of orientation (does anyone else remember how totally worthless I was in my first month of residency? Exactly!). Terrifying!!! And so the second half of this month, I essentially tried to function as a second-year. I tried to think through everything and come up with a plan before going to my senior resident, rather than just asking her, "What do you think?" right off the bat. It made me realize that A) I have learned so much in the last 9 months in terms of triaging, assessing, managing, and knowing when to ask for help; and B) There is still a TON that I don't know. It's going to make for a very interesting (read: STRESSFUL) July, but I know that at the end of it, I will feel ready for just about anything. Plus, there's always Friday morning Happy Hour!
Until next time, kids!
About halfway through the month, our master schedules came out for next year. And guess who gets to start off with yet another month of Owl Team? You betcha! In my first month as a senior, I'll be basically in charge of half the patients (we have 2 senior residents on at night in the summers) and supervising a bunch of squirrly interns fresh out of orientation (does anyone else remember how totally worthless I was in my first month of residency? Exactly!). Terrifying!!! And so the second half of this month, I essentially tried to function as a second-year. I tried to think through everything and come up with a plan before going to my senior resident, rather than just asking her, "What do you think?" right off the bat. It made me realize that A) I have learned so much in the last 9 months in terms of triaging, assessing, managing, and knowing when to ask for help; and B) There is still a TON that I don't know. It's going to make for a very interesting (read: STRESSFUL) July, but I know that at the end of it, I will feel ready for just about anything. Plus, there's always Friday morning Happy Hour!
Until next time, kids!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
I Miss Mayberry
I was out to breakfast last week and randomly saw someone that I knew. It was the third time that's happened in the last several weeks, and it was a good feeling. I had just been talking with a co-worker who was also from out of state that there's something different about being home, seeing neighbors in the grocery store or out and about, something very familiar. I'm not saying that three times makes this feel exactly like home, but it does make me miss those daily trips to King Soopers with my dad a little less. What it took me 26 years to build in Denver isn't going to duplicate here overnight, and I know that. That's what makes these little moments even more special, and reaffirms my feeling that at least for now, this can be home (Mom, don't panic, I said for now, not forever!). If you see me tearing it up in KC, please say hi. I'll be so very glad you did.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Get out
Short sleeves, kids and dogs out playing, sunglasses, rocking to Dan Craig on the iPod, a little football tossing, and good friends.
Welcome back, spring. I've missed you.
Welcome back, spring. I've missed you.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Residency 1.8: PCC
Oh, the glorious last month I have spent in the PCC (Pediatric Care Clinic)--normal hours, weekends off, seeing lots of cute, healthy (compared to inpatient) kids. Since in our weekly continuity clinic, we mostly see checkups, this was a great month to see a little more of the typical outpatient kids. You know, the dozens of strep throats, colds, headaches, constipation, etc. I had a great month with my fellow residents and wonderful attendings, and learned a lot, especially how to delicately deal with parents.
It's funny, because most parents come to the doctor expecting an answer and a quick fix, and the reality is that we only prescribe medicine about 1/4 of the time, if that. In fact, I remember in medical school, I would go an entire afternoon at my preceptor's office without him writing a single prescription. It's not because we don't care. It's because most kids get better all on their own, and they don't need the medicine (or the side effects). It's part of what I love about pediatrics--how resilient their little bodies are. And, I'll let you in on a little secret (but you have to promise not to tell): we as doctors don't always know exactly what's going on and how to fix it. Shhhhh! The body is a mystery, and a complicated one at that. Often times things need time to either go away on their own, or develop a little more so we can identify what's going on. So please, don't hate your friendly pediatrician the next time they say, "It's probably just a virus" or "Well, why don't we watch it and have you come back in a month." And for my part, I'll try hard to remember how frustrating it is to hear those words.
It's funny, because most parents come to the doctor expecting an answer and a quick fix, and the reality is that we only prescribe medicine about 1/4 of the time, if that. In fact, I remember in medical school, I would go an entire afternoon at my preceptor's office without him writing a single prescription. It's not because we don't care. It's because most kids get better all on their own, and they don't need the medicine (or the side effects). It's part of what I love about pediatrics--how resilient their little bodies are. And, I'll let you in on a little secret (but you have to promise not to tell): we as doctors don't always know exactly what's going on and how to fix it. Shhhhh! The body is a mystery, and a complicated one at that. Often times things need time to either go away on their own, or develop a little more so we can identify what's going on. So please, don't hate your friendly pediatrician the next time they say, "It's probably just a virus" or "Well, why don't we watch it and have you come back in a month." And for my part, I'll try hard to remember how frustrating it is to hear those words.
Monday, February 21, 2011
The bright side
Inspired by 1000awesomethings.com (check it out, it's...well, awesome), and looking to brighten a kind of drab day, I present Laura's 8awesomethings from the last few days:
1. Making a new recipe and nothing goes wrong, and having enough for leftovers
2. Winning a freaking fondue set at Housestaff (and I never win ANYTHING)
3. NO traffic on the way to work because it's a "holiday" (and that was a serious one, not an "I'm bitter because I had to work and no one else did" one)
4. Having the attendings tell me, twice in one week, that I'm doing a good job
5. Getting to wake up without the alarm clock, make whatever I want for breakfast, and finish all the Sunday puzzles
6. Having time to read THREE books this weekend just because I could
7. Boulevard for the price of Bud Light (thanks, Kelly, my new favorite bartender)
8. Greek food for lunch! And Steak'n'Shake for dinner!
See, life's not so bad. Try it for yourself.
1. Making a new recipe and nothing goes wrong, and having enough for leftovers
2. Winning a freaking fondue set at Housestaff (and I never win ANYTHING)
3. NO traffic on the way to work because it's a "holiday" (and that was a serious one, not an "I'm bitter because I had to work and no one else did" one)
4. Having the attendings tell me, twice in one week, that I'm doing a good job
5. Getting to wake up without the alarm clock, make whatever I want for breakfast, and finish all the Sunday puzzles
6. Having time to read THREE books this weekend just because I could
7. Boulevard for the price of Bud Light (thanks, Kelly, my new favorite bartender)
8. Greek food for lunch! And Steak'n'Shake for dinner!
See, life's not so bad. Try it for yourself.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Stick your tongue out and say...
I'm dubbing today "Strep Throat Wednesday." The three of us in clinic this afternoon (plus some help from the attendings) cranked through 16 (16!) patients whose chief complaint was "fever, sore throat" (plus the rest of the kiddos). Actually, there was usually some variation in how the clerks entered it: "fever and throat hurts" or "possible strep throat" or "temp and sore throat" or my favorite, which showed that even they thought it was getting to be a little much for one afternoon: "ANOTHER STREP TEST".
We started making bets on everything: whose strep test would come back first, whether it would positive, and whether the mom would opt for the 10 day course of amoxicillin or the one-time penicillin shot. I was only 4/6 on whether mine would be positive, but 2/2 on choice of antibiotic route. Anything to pass the time waiting for that result to pop up in the computer.
I'm just glad those two kids who coughed straight in my face were the strep negative ones. So, just a reminder to all you germ-harboring mongrels out there--WASH YOUR HANDS (please?). And for Pete's sake, teach your kids to cover their mouths. Only YOU can prevent the spread of infection.
Until next time...
We started making bets on everything: whose strep test would come back first, whether it would positive, and whether the mom would opt for the 10 day course of amoxicillin or the one-time penicillin shot. I was only 4/6 on whether mine would be positive, but 2/2 on choice of antibiotic route. Anything to pass the time waiting for that result to pop up in the computer.
I'm just glad those two kids who coughed straight in my face were the strep negative ones. So, just a reminder to all you germ-harboring mongrels out there--WASH YOUR HANDS (please?). And for Pete's sake, teach your kids to cover their mouths. Only YOU can prevent the spread of infection.
Until next time...
Monday, January 31, 2011
When it rains...
You would think that one broken appliance flooding the kitchen floor would be enough. You would be wrong. I guess it's a good thing I decided to run the dishwasher tonight instead of on my way out the door tomorrow so I was around when the water started pouring out. Also good thing that my complex recently decided to get the handy men a cell phone instead of a pager, cause then they get here faster. Also a good thing it was just a busted valve instead of a busted pipe. Still, it would be EVEN BETTER if the rest of my appliances decided to behave from now on...my kitchen floor would prefer to stay dry from now on.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Residency 1.7: Red Team
The end of another month. I must admit that I was not so much looking forward to this month. Part of that was the string of 30-hour calls at the beginning of the month which comprised my "Holiday Block"--okay, that was ROUGH. The body was not meant to work every other night overnight, and it took its toll by the end.
That part notwithstanding, this was still one of the busiest months so far. Bronchiolitis season hit in full force, and we were a revolving door of admissions (record belongs to Andie and Brian for 10 admissions and 10 discharges in one day; separate record belongs to me and Christina for admitting and discharging a patient all within 3 hours and 10 minutes).
This month I had many occasions to realize how blessed I am to be a part of this program. Laughing during lunches, happy hours, getting support in tough situations at work, good friends, awesome chiefs--if I've got to be slammed, I'd rather be slammed here. Though I will say, I am SO looking forward to PCC (clinic) next month, and rolling into work about 8:30. Hopefully I can also motivate myself to study for Step 3. Until next time...
That part notwithstanding, this was still one of the busiest months so far. Bronchiolitis season hit in full force, and we were a revolving door of admissions (record belongs to Andie and Brian for 10 admissions and 10 discharges in one day; separate record belongs to me and Christina for admitting and discharging a patient all within 3 hours and 10 minutes).
This month I had many occasions to realize how blessed I am to be a part of this program. Laughing during lunches, happy hours, getting support in tough situations at work, good friends, awesome chiefs--if I've got to be slammed, I'd rather be slammed here. Though I will say, I am SO looking forward to PCC (clinic) next month, and rolling into work about 8:30. Hopefully I can also motivate myself to study for Step 3. Until next time...
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Good deal, McNeal
Things I'll miss about Mimi...
-the freezer stocked with Gold Medal Ribbon
-all the green on St. Paddy's Day
-getting scolded for wearing socks on the wood floors
-messy sundaes
-sitting on the porch with a book and a glass of iced tea
-goulash, coffee cake, and brie cheese
-the candy drawer
-her laugh
-the way she always hung the IU ornament on the back of the tree
-the flowery birthday cards
-her impeccable taste
-sneaking Squeeze-its at the lake
-the way she looked at me the last time I saw her and she said, "tell your Dad hi, all you girls..."
Sunday, January 2, 2011
All heaven sighs and angels dance
I found out over the New Year's block that one of my patients from last month had passed away. She had been very sick with a known fatal disease and our goal had been to keep her alive until the family could arrange hospice care and then get her well enough to go home. After a couple of sleepless nights worrying whether she was going to make it, and some tireless work on the part of the day team, we succeeded in getting her out just before Christmas. Her pediatrician called us last week to say that she had spent her last day out at the park with her parents and her sister in the gorgeous sunshine (what I'm sure was a freak weather day for KC in the middle of winter), and then they took her home and held her while she slipped away. Even though we knew it was coming, it still hit me, in a really good way. To know that however small, I played a part in getting her home to spend her last days with her family. And to know that, even though we run around necessarily detached at times, that it's still a beautiful thing to be able to celebrate a life and to feel a little grief as well. Go with God, baby girl.
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