3...2...1...Happy

At the end of last year, I lamented the fact that I didn't have much to look back on. I resolved to do more this year. I think I succeeded. I look back on a very full year, and I feel like I was really living.

I'm a little too tired and brain dead to think of a creative way to summarize the whole year. So, in absolutely NO particular order or format, here's what was superlative about 2012...

Kilimanjaro--Obvi. Glamping at 19,000 feet is pretty memorable. I even enjoyed training for it. It was a physical, mental, spiritual challenge, awesome time with the fam, totally outside my comfort zone, totally brag-able (that's a word now), and lots of other wonderful things.

Lots of good food, new beers, new restaurants, happy hours. French toast in Portland, Tank 7 on tap, homemade mini apple pies, wine and cheese, KC BBQ, diabetes cake.

Building and deepening friendships, having people on speed dial, seven second hugs, coffee dates, funny cards, dinner parties, being in the right place and the right time, making myself at home, YouTube videos, nights sitting on the balcony, pick-me-up texts, having visitors.

Finding my groove as a resident, knocking out the PICU, 2 Professor Rounds, committee work, and learning to run a tight ship (or at least a ship that can stay afloat) as a senior.

Having the best job in the world, even if it does wear me down. Getting to take care of some truly amazing kids that I will remember forever, and their midnight birthday celebrations, colorful beads, tearful faces, painted toes, and sticky hugs.

Checking half the things off of my 30 before 30 list, and loving it. Except "Tinkers." I didn't love that book. In fact, I didn't finish it, so I'll have to find other Pulitzers to count. But the rest of it has been great.

My crazy family. Zapapas should be an adjective, and it can mean a lot of things, but it's all us.

Laughing out loud at movies, crying at a good book, live theater, Castle, Rizzoli and Isles, belting a song out over and over and over.

Sitting and praying in the quiet, wrestling with God, feeling overwhelmed with blessings, and overwhelmed with grief, finding the perfect verse, or the perfect prayer, seeing God work miracles.

Here's to lucky 2013!

Residency 3.6: PCC

Doesn't feel like I've even worked enough hours in the PCC to be writing a blog about this month. Although our clinic schedules were often full, the show rate was pathetic by any standards, and we more often than not sat around wondering what to do with ourselves. I know I shouldn't complain, but I was hoping to get a little more experience on my last clinic month before graduation. Obviously I have 6 months left of my weekly continuity clinic, but I still feel woefully unprepared to handle ADHD, learning disabilities, most rashes, lactose intolerance, and many other normal pediatric things. I guess that's why we train to be life-long learners.

Nonetheless, there's plenty of things I feel comfortable managing on my own, and I was able to teach our interns and medical students a thing or two. Plus, I got in a few good weeks of boards studying, which is always beneficial.

Other notables this month: Christmas party full of Disney sing-alongs and good food, the fruition of a project I've been working on for a few months, seeing Les Mis live, and me getting a decently bad case of bronchitis which mostly (but not completely) dampened the previous events. Come on, immune system, any time now would be fine. Oh well, at least I'm glad to have friends in high places to call me in some good drugs.

And now I'm in for 12 days of friends and family, no sick kids, and lots of Colorado!!!

Grateful for the ride

It's always hard when a child dies. But even more so when it's sudden, when we know and admire his family, when so many of us have taken care of him, when we've watched him overcome obstacle after obstacle and get SO close to going home. And it still doesn't make sense. But I am grateful that I had a chance to know him and care for him, even for a short period of time. That I got to stand by his bed and whisper prayers when things weren't going so hot. I'm grateful for the amazing witness that his parents were to the sanctity of life and the power of hope, and that I was able to share in some of their journey. I'm grateful I work in a program where it's okay to cry and hug and take care of each other. I'm grateful for a God Who has His hand in all of this. I'm grateful for the reminder of how important our work is, and how every child we take care of is someone's son and brother and little warrior.

This has been posted on the family's blog for the last 9 months, as we all were along for the ride. Now their little warrior's heart is whole again.

It's a beautiful day up in heaven. Jesus is rounding up his tiniest angels, to go live on earth, and be born. One of the sweetest angels says to Jesus "I don't want to leave, I like it here, and I will miss you". He reassures the scared little angel that everything will be okay, and that he is just going for a visit. He is still not swayed on this idea. So Jesus kneels down, and says, "How about if you leave half of your heart here with me and take the other half with you, will that be okay?" The angel smiles and says, "I guess that will work." But the little angel is still a little scared. He asks, "Will I be okay with only half of my heart?" Jesus replies, "Of course you will, I have other angels there that will help out, and you will be fine."

Then Jesus gives the angel more details about his plan. He says "When you are born, your mommy will be scared, so you have to be strong, and when you feel weak just remember that I have the other half of your heart". "Enjoy your time with your family, play and laugh every day. When its time to come back to heaven, I will make your heart whole again. Always remember that you are not broken, just torn between two loves."

Little Angel (borrowed from the family's blog with thanks)