Wake Up Call

Every now and then I like to sneak in a story from my childhood, just to remind you of a) how wonderfully precocious I was, b) how nutso my family is, or c) how amazing it is that I turned out as good as I did. Today's story just may fall into all three.

Most of you can probably imagine the chore it was for my poor mom to get four of us ready in the morning. I mean, hard enough getting four kids to brush their teeth (and actually hit the sink when they spit), getting us into matching clothes, getting us to all agree on something semi-nutritious for breakfast (actually, mom excelled at breakfast!), and getting us all seat-belted in to the sometimes-working Mustang...and on time. But I think the hardest part was actually waking us up. "Girls, time to get up" seventeen times just wasn't doing it, even when the bright light right by my face came on and refused to go off in response to my incessant whining. No, the 100% guaranteed way to get those Zapapas girls up and going in the morning was...are you ready...Dolly Parton!

True story. After my Dad wowed the Loveboat with his "Here You Come Again" singalong on my grandparents anniversary Alaskan cruise (another story worth telling sometime...or you can come over and watch the video), my parents purchased a cassette tape of Dolly's best, appropriately titled, "The Best There Is" to commemorate the performance. It became part of the soundtrack of our childhood.

Soon there was nothing more my mother had to do to than fast-forward to the start of "9 to 5" (a lot harder before the age of CDs) and crank the volume. Michelle and I would hear that unmistakable "Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum" and before the first line of the chorus, we were out of bed, down the stairs, and rocking out in the living room, belting middle-aged career disillusionment at the top of our lungs. Fortunately, I think the next song was considerably more mellow and made for a great time to herd us upstairs for said teeth-brushing and clothes-matching. And after waffles or egg sandwiches, we were in the Mustang and off for learning. On time!

If only I could somehow program my pager to go off with "Tumble outta bed and stumble to the kitchen..." it would make my call shifts a little more enjoyable.