Here we go

Excited. Nervous. A little bit still in disbelief that we're doing this. Hoping I didn't forget anything.

This is going to be an amazing trip, and I'm extremely grateful for the opportunity. Not just to have all the cards fall in the right place to allow four of us with varying schedules to all be able to make the same trip, but also to be physically and financially able to do it, to do it with my family, to be united in prayer with so many others, to challenge myself in such an extreme way.

Pier Giorgio Frassati was an Italian mountain climber and activist who loved the Lord. On the back of a photo of himself, on what would end up being his last climb, he wrote "Verso l'alto"--towards the top. This was how he lived his life, in climbing and in faith, striving for greatness in everything he did. I pray for the grace to do the same.

SAD

Paraphrased from an old dooce post. I wanted to share in case anyone needed to read it. This is pretty spot on. I'm grateful to be in a good place right now, but if you know someone out there (or even a little closer to home) that finds September (or any season) hard, take heart. It won't last forever.

Five years ago Jon and I took a mid-week afternoon drive through the Alpine Loop to take photographs of burnt red trees and the sharp shadows of aspens standing in formation, ready to march, waiting for a signal. We stopped for lunch at Sundance, several memory cards full of images telling the story of the mountain's transformation.

Jon looked at me over my iced tea and asked me what was wrong. I didn't know what to say to him because, while I knew there was something wrong, I didn't know what it was.
What is worse? Being sad because something tragic has happened, or being sad because that is all your brain knows how to do?

My psychiatrist recently told me that more people commit suicide in March and September than during any other time of year. The rapid change in light, he says, roughs up those of us who have those frayed circuits in our brains, even if we're medicated.

Now we know, and I thought that the knowing would make it easier. And it has in that September will turn into October and October will merge with November, and I won't be sitting at my desk feeling sad for no reason. But it's knowing that there is no reason that makes it even more unbearable. Because as much as a person with depression is sad, we are the same measure of angry that we can't just stop feeling this way.

Now that we know, I finally have an excuse to look forward to winter.

What do margaritas, Twitter, Blake Shelton, and my dad have in common?

Lots to be thankful for in the last week.

September 4—Today I slacked off a bit and was down in Housestaff “studying” since there wasn’t much going on in the Kidney Center. Ran into one of the graduated residents and a good friend, who I hadn’t seen in a while, and who also happens to give A-mazing hugs. Hugs that last longer than the seven seconds it supposedly takes to release endorphins, that leave no room to breathe between you. I am grateful for those kind of hugs.

September 5—I got to chat a bit with Catalina today, which normally is quite a rarity, but more common lately as she’s had a few “doctor” questions to ask me. Not that I’m masquerading as an internist by any means (and I may have phoned a friend, who phoned her husband-adult-ER-doc), but I’m grateful for any chance to talk to Cata and feel involved in her life, since I did such a crappy job of being supportive growing up. I’m grateful that she makes me laugh, that she’s not afraid to say, “I love you,” and that all the workup is normal so far.

September 6—Tonight I went to an art exhibit with Rashy. In addition to feeling artsy, free margaritas, and Chipotle snacks and coupons, we had lovely conversation, ranging from reflective to challenging to slighty goofy (that was a STRONG margarita). I'm grateful for friends that let me be myself and share my faith and that I feel comfortable saying just about anything to.

September 7—Our advocacy lecture today was by an awesome community pediatrician about using social media to educate ourselves and our patients. She finally motivated me to get on Twitter, so that I can follow the leading voices in peds healthcare across the country. This way, they can do all the work for me of filtering through secular media and pop culture as it relates to medicine, and I can read the highlights. I’m grateful for something simple I can get excited about that may help the way I change kids’ lives.

September 8—Today I checked 3 more things off of my Kili packing list. There’s almost nothing left to get! And I had time to go for an 8 mile hike/walk in the park in nearly perfect hiking weather (sunny, light breeze, 70s). I’m super grateful that I get this amazing opportunity with my family to take this trip of a lifetime, no matter the outcome. But as dad said, it would be fine with us if we summited.

September 9—Today is Padre’s birthday. So, so, so grateful for him in my life and all the things I’ve learned from him and the great example he is to me. I could rant and rant, but we’ll just leave it at the fact that I have a pretty sweet dad. And no, I didn’t just put that because I know he’s always the first one to read my posts. Also, today, I’m super grateful for an awesome fall day with fun photos, mimosas, football, friends, and key lime ice cream. And since I know he’s reading...I said doody!

September 10—I know this sounds kind of stupid, but season 3 of The Voice started tonight and I LOVE it. Yes, I love hearing people with amazing voices. But mostly, I love watching Blake and Adam yell at each other and Blake do his little finger motion. I haven’t laughed that much watching TV since probably the first time I saw Wipe Out. I’m grateful for a schedule this month that lets me just hang out in the evenings, and for laughter. And for Blake Shelton. :)

Verso l'alto

We're getting down to the wire with the Kilimanjaro training. Just packed up all my stuff to make sure I was under the weight limit, and I'm about to head out on a hike. I still can't believe we're doing this. Remember how only crazy people climb mountains? Nineteen-thousand-foot mountains?

At this point I'm down to a few last minute purchases (snacks, lithium batteries, cheap paperback for the airports) and tasks (put the mail on hold, remember to start my malaria pills), and trying to keep up on the workouts without getting totally burned out.

As I collected prayer requests to take with me to the top of the mountain and back, I was struck primarily by two things. First, I have incredible, holy friends. People willing to pray for us, and asking me to pray for their vocations, growth in holiness, dear friends for whom they are storming heaven, etc. I am super blessed to be surrounded by awesome examples of Christ's love and sacrifice. Secondly, there is a lot of suffering in this world. As the intentions came in, my heart broke as my loved ones shared with me their fears and pain. It's not insurmountable, as we have a God that is bigger than all of it, but it drove home the fact that this life just doesn't make sense unless through the eyes of faith. We were made for more, and the road is not easy, but worth it. I can't imagine trying to make it alone.

Please keep praying for us as we get closer to launch. And please, if you have other prayer requests, shoot them my way. I'll offer up the sleeplessness, fatigue, knee pain, and discomfort for grace for you.