A Good Year

Since I'm eschewing the culture's mandates of partying tonight and sitting at home with a glass of wine and the wombmate, I decided it's the perfect time to revisit my resolution for this year and look ahead to next year.

I'll be honest; I often forgot that this had been my resolution, but it was a good one, and we'll see how I did.

Overall, I know I put this last year in God's hands. I remember feeling somewhat overwhelmed by trying to find a job for after graduation, but not all that worried about it, because I knew it would work out. And it did. And the rest of the big things went similarly. It's more the little things that I have a harder time turning over to God. But if I break it down into the things I know God is asking of me, maybe it will become easier.

Celebrate the little things--I think this one was a success. I had super fun checking things off my '30 Before 30' List--Run a 10K, Take a Class, Irish Car Bomb, Get a Real Job, Pass Boards, Twin Sister IPA, Cherry Cricket, Exotic Foods, Boulevard Tour, Stranahan's Tour/Tasting, and Reading 3 Pulitzer Winners. Each one was a little check in the Win column, a tiny party for having accomplished something and relishing it. And there were plenty more things that weren't on my list. Had my first smoked ham for Easter, threw myself a lot of goodbye get-togethers in KC, enjoyed every single episode of Blue Bloods, lots of happy hours and porch time, won a few awards to finish out residency--I think you get the gist.

Reach out--This one is a little harder to quantify and say for sure that I've completed it. But I know I've tried. There have been many times where it would have been more comfortable (and probably lonelier) to stay in my introverted cocoon. Classic example was as I was getting ready to leave KC, wanting to get everyone together and celebrate in the style of some of my favorite memories (Friendsgiving, Easter, that one day after the NICU, etc). I was stressed about finding a place to host it, knowing that what I really wanted was for Other Laura and Jill to host/plan because they throw a mean party. So after much waffling, I just said, "I would like to volunteer you to plan my going-away party, and Laura and Chris should host." And the rest is history. But there have been lots of moments like that this year, where I have to suck it up and just chance that someone will say "No. You're crazy. Why would we want to hang out with you/help you out/do that?" (which no one has yet by the way). So I successfully got myself two job offers, a medical student to precept, a fun Christmas party, and a whiffle ball season which wasn't a total wash. And lots of other meaningful moments in between.

Show love first--Somewhat related to reaching out, but this taps even more into my insecurities of thinking people would rather just me leave them alone, and so I often wait for a sign that the friendship is worthwhile for them before I show love. I don't know that I was as bold as I could have been, but I definitely tried to initiate more phone calls, more hanging out, and sending more cards for no reason, just because I wanted to. Good to know I still have room to grow.

Be a leader--I know Mom says I'm really good at delegating (because I am!) and I prefer to think of myself as helpful rather than bossy, but I think being a leader is more about actions than direction. I was forced into leadership positions in some of my residency months just by virtue of being the most experienced person on the team. But I also tried to take a lead in helping with recruitment dinners, working on resident wellness, and giving a send-off to the Program Directors. As I mentioned, I took on a medical student to precept, and often look for opportunities to teach the 3rd year medical students as well. I'm going to try to look for more opportunities for this next year, both at work and at home.

Pray--this one always is a challenge, and I haven't yet found a way to truly build a habit of daily prayer that sticks for more than a few weeks. But, lest we chalk this one up as a total failure, I continue to do my Total Consecration, have been able to go to daily Mass more since coming home, and I have re-committed to this particular resolution many times this year without giving up completely. I'm starting off next year with a Spiritual Exercises retreat which I'm super pumped about and hope to use that to jumpstart the new year.

Focus on the Positive--for whatever reason, this seems to come more easily to me now than it has in the past. I'm more aware of my own words and choice of conversation topics, and definitely am more aware of it in others, trying not to get sucked in to the pity parties at work and instead continually reminding myself that I love my job. And I do. I honestly couldn't have planned this for myself; where I'm at, what I'm doing, what I've accomplished. It's wonderful. And it's all God.

Accept where I'm at. That's a pretty big goal, but for now, it seems within reach. At least for right now. I don't ever want to get complacent and forget where I'm supposed to be going, but no matter how much I worry about the path ahead, the truth is that I am where I am right now, and there's no changing that, so I might as well get used to it. A book called "Wherever You Go, There You Are" made it into my hands last year, and I think that has increased my ability to accept things and to challenge myself with these resolutions.

Well, that took it out of me. I'll have to pick another time to choose a resolution for next year. If you've made it this far, thanks for being one of the many blessings in my life and for reading. May God fill you with love and peace in the coming year and always!

The year in books

In January, I started keeping track of each book I read--just the titles--so that when people asked me for recommendations, I would have them handy. And so that I could monitor the types of books I made it through. It has made me a little more selective of what I read (and I was already pretty darn selective), because at least a part of me wanted that list to be somewhat respectable (although James Patterson's 'NYPD Red' did make an appearance; old habits die hard).

As we near the end of the year, my list has hit 30, not bad for someone finishing out her third year of residency, moving back to Denver, and starting a new job. Although it seems the busier I get, the more I need to read for my own sanity. It is an escape, an anchor, and a way to connect.

The list includes a wide range of titles, everything from the critically acclaimed--'Olive Kitteridge', 'Devil in the White City', 'Cutting for Stone'--to compelling non-fiction--'The Emperor of All Maladies', 'Unbroken', 'An American Life'--to old classics (some of them re-reads)--'The Alchemist', 'Little Women', 'Frankenstein'--to pop-culture sensations--yes, I'm two-thirds of the way through the Divergent series, and loving it.

I read more--and more diverse--books this year than I think any year in the past, and I think being conscious of it through keeping a list was a big part of that. I'm excited to continue my pursuit of great stories in the coming year, and am always willing to take (or give) suggestions!

A light shines...

Again.

That's what the headlines said last Saturday. In a way it felt familiar. The thirst for information, for any new details. The striking images of grief. The prayers that unite a community.

But it's different too. To see the fence around the soccer field where I played every day after school corralling students with their hands over their heads. To feel the pride swell, knowing that Warriors really do take care of one another. To hug a friend whose daughter is wrestling with the effects of being inside.

My whole family was together last night at a prayer service at St. Thomas More, amidst good friends and strangers, members of a community that have this awful tragedy in common. Together we joined our intentions to create a chain that is stronger than each individual, a visual reminder of the power of the Communion of Saints and of our need for each other and for God.

For me, the question is not so much how a good God can let evil like this happen. Rather I often wonder why it takes something like this to trigger the show of support and love that is already there. Why we wait for something awful to remind us how important we are for one another and how we cannot do this alone. Why I was so quick to rush to the adoration chapel last Friday when I have so many chances to go there every week and don't. Why it doesn't take any cajoling to get the family to sit together last night, but otherwise trying to arrange a family outing is like herding cats. Hopefully this can be a step towards making God's light evident every day, not just when we are threatened by darkness.

The prayers of our community

Freedom

My mechanic is a doctor. Not in a metaphorical he-heals-my-car kind of way. He's literally an MD. A foreign medical grad and a family practitioner, he tried extremely hard to jump through the hoops of becoming certified in this country and was unable to. "But I'm happy," he says. As a mechanic.

I can't imagine doing all the training and sacrifice of becoming a doctor to give it up for a blue collar job. And yet, this man would rather change oil in America than be a doctor in his home country. For all that's wrong and frustrating with our country-and there's a lot-I'm grateful for the freedoms and opportunities that make it worthwhile for a doctor to change careers just to give his family a better life. And grateful that I'm not faced with the same decision.