The doctor will see you now

Today reminded me why I want to be a doctor (wait, I already am, that's weird). I had 3 of the cutest patients in clinic today, including a well child check/sports physical for a 10 year old boy that are just at that phase between childlike bluntness and openness and teenage awkwardness and coming into their own personality. I love it. I love the chance to shape a life. And the four year old who told me right off the bat "I don't need no shots today" and wondered "Is this a place that gives cookies?" And despite the chaos of clinic, I really like being in a room with my colleagues and mentors, where we can just chat and get support and learn from each other.

Dear Patient...

When you are a patient in the hospital, your world is pretty small. All you know (especially if you're on isolation precautions and can't leave the room) is one tiny room, the TV channels that get streamed in (Nintendo Wii if you're lucky), the room service menu that's available, and the people that wander in and out throughout the day. If you're like most, you'll see your resident (and possibly a medical student) in the morning, then the whole team will come by on rounds, crowd your room, talk about you like you're not there, and gawk at you in general.

When they leave, that's it. You'll wonder what the heck goes on the rest of the day and where that doctor is and why they always seem so rushed. You're just focused on getting better and don't understand why tests take so long to run, why you have to stay another day when you're feeling so well, or why you can't stay an extra day to play Bingo (this happened today).

I know that for you, it may be your first time being sick, taking medicine, having surgery, getting an MRI, etc. So please be patient with us when we forget. Because for us, you are one of 18 patients we have to take care of. We spend the rest of the day writing notes, admitting new patients, discharging people who are ready to go home, calling consulting services, ordering new labs and medicines and tests, going to lectures, reading about your disease, and following that one patient who seems intent on a one-way ticket back to the ICU.

I say that not as an excuse, but so that you understand that I wish it were different. I wish I could spend all day with you and not in front of a computer. But know that even though we don't see you, we're thinking about you all day long, talking about you, learning about you, problem-solving for you. So go easy on us, and remind us when we forget, what it's like to be you.

More than fine

Yesterday I treated myself to one of my few indulgences...a double-tall half-caff, non-fat, 2 pump sugar-free extra hot vanilla latte. Mmmm. It makes me warm and fuzzy just saying it. But really, that's not the point of the story. As I walked up to the counter, the barista asked how I was. I answered my typical, "Pretty good, how are you?" without even giving it much thought. Her answer? "Better than blessed." It made me stop and think. And as I headed to the other side of the counter to grab my morning pick-me-up, I said, "Hope you continue to have a blessed day." She said, "Thank you, I needed to hear that." And the truth was that I probably needed to hear her answer in the first place. A reminder that even though we ask "How are you?" as a substitute for "Hi" and that we rarely listen for the answer, that doesn't mean that even this small interaction can't be a place to share God's grace, to touch a life. A reminder that every encounter with someone is a chance to brighten their day. My dad is so good at this, at taking the little moments and using it to really be present to someone, and it's something I strive to be better at. So thanks, Blessed Barista Lady, for being my real morning pick-me-up. And may you all have a better than blessed day!

Residency 1.1

One month down. And since I start bright and EARLY tomorrow, this will be a quick post as to my first month as a doctor. My goal is to do this for every rotation, so I remember what it was like, and so you can share the journey with me. Forgive my tired brain.

I spent my first four weeks as a doctor in the Rheumatology Department, the land of gray (as in, nothing is black and white). Despite often not finding a definitive diagnosis, I became more confident in my ability to say it wasn't anything serious and got really good at recommending supportive shoes for flat feet (does this really work???). I worked with some amazing doctors who really LOVE their patients and love teaching and, yes, who love complaining about some of the stupid things parents do and say.

For example, the mom who was absolutely convinced that her son "caught" his rheumatoid arthritis from a girl with chicken pox at church camp. Hey, whatever works.

And I had those dreaded ER shifts. I'm told that after my full month down there, it will be a lot better, because I'll be much more comfortable, but for now, it is NOT my favorite place in the hospital. My first night was a disaster, for multiple reasons, but thankfully, it has gotten slightly better, and I now know how to order prescriptions correctly (though still can't get the right printer every time) and how to answer an overhead page (THAT was a funny experience the first time). And I know that even if I eat a snack RIGHT beforehand, watching the ortho resident reduce an ulnar/radial fracture will still make me want to pass out. Guess I will sit down next time.

Tomorrow starts a crazy month of 80 hour weeks, early mornings, very sick patients, and probably the start of me feeling like a real doctor, for real.

Making our speaking English good

I love walking to the library.

Reminds me of when I was a kid and would hunt the shelves each week for the new Cam Jansen or Encyclopedia Brown, and then spend the week closing my eyes and saying "Click" or studying handwriting to see if someone is left- or right-handed. I remember the double automatic doors and the round checkout counter, and the carpeted tables in the kids' section. I remember the hollow sound of returned books thumping the bottom of the bin, and signing my first library card in my newly-perfected cursive. We used to walk out of there with stacks and stacks of books, and they would never last until the next trip.

I know that I don't have time to finish stacks and stacks anymore, unless of course I break out the Hardy Boys again. But walking home with a few books tells me that it's summer, and that my free time, however limited, will be well-spent. Happy reading.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Things I miss about home (that I got to miss a little less this weekend):
Big Bill's garlic knots
Lunch on the deck
Big Bill's sausage and green pepper pizza
Daily Mass at STM
Friends who will go with me to the new (delicious) fro-yo place...and Big Bill's
Attic fan on with the windows open
Seeing Mary and Kelly stumble into the kitchen around noon when they finally wake up

Alas, I am back in KC. A wonderful trip, and now I am going into panic mode before I start Blue Team on Friday. Just to clarify...whose idea was it to put me on a 30 hour call my first day on inpatient, followed by a short call on Sunday? You're just asking to run behind. I'm just saying.

Hint: It's not dancing

My attending asked me this week what I was passionate about (over a beer at Grinders, which I highly recommend), saying that it's something he asks all those he interviews. If they can't answer, they either aren't passionate about anything, or they're not self-aware enough to know (or they're embarrassed to say). Frankly, I'd rather work with someone passionate about something totally weird than someone who has no passion at all, but that doesn't mean I want to hear about your bird's trip to the vet and how many words he can say.

So I started thinking about what I was passionate about. Not just things I like. Cause I like tubing, but I'm not going to take every free weekend and find a lake. I like a good beer, but not enough to join the tour at Old Chicago or apparently enough to get my butt on one of those brewery tours. I like music, but am too lazy to really even find songs I like on iTunes. It's like, meh, whatever.

And I'm like that about a lot of things. But you gotta really love something. I think it's important to have something that will get you riled up, something you look forward to, something that you do with your free time and spare change. Besides my pillow, and loving to hate my pager (which I don't yet, but will soon), I came up with this brief list:

USWNT soccer
Bragging/telling stories about my family
14ers (and Colorado in general as the best place on earth)
Jane Austen
Burn Notice, Castle, Firefly
coffee (mostly Starbucks, don't judge)
Italian food
Removing olives from the world
the Catholic Church
kids getting their vaccines

Nothing surprising really, but that's okay. At least it's enough for an interview. (Maybe they don't wanna hear about olives) What about you?