Well, I'm three shifts in to my big girl job, and I've already had to present a patient at my first Morbidity & Mortality conference (did NOT feel like a stellar start). I wish I'd appreciated the hand-holding more as a resident. Because in real life, there is no candy bowl or Mario Kart tournaments or Chief's office to escape to. There is just do your work.
And I don't mean "just" do your work. Because when it's a brand new computer and hospital system, you have super complicated kids, and you are making the final decisions for the first time, that work can seem pretty daunting. There was a very real moment of panic at the end of my first shift when there were 27 patients in the waiting room, every ED bed was full, and I had finished exactly zero of my notes--what the heck have I gotten myself into?
But Day 2 was better. And so was day three. And everyone has been super nice. And I'm not the only one that feels slightly overwhelmed. One of the other just-graduated-attendings told me today that even though she did her residency here, her first day was still a bit rough. "No one's standing behind me telling me what to do. Are you sure you don't want me to check this patient out just for kicks?"
Small successes--I did my first two sedations today, have learned a few nurses' names, and have gotten quite proficient at medically clearing the psychiatric patients (something I didn't realize was a big part of my job during my main ED shifts).
It's all just growing pains, and thankfully I've got a good support system and excellent training, and soon I will be able to look back on this trial by fire and smile.
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