The pagers...

I'm counting this as a small success. Or maybe a not-so-small success. On Tuesday, I had the dubious honor of wearing the Team Leader pagers, which means all day long, I just pray not to hear the "whoop whoop" go off overhead. Cause that means someone either fainted while getting their blood drawn, or is dying. Or something in between. But I'm supposed to run to the rescue and then run the show. Like someone who could handle a really sick kid. Like someone who knows what they're doing. Like someone who doesn't throw hand off the pagers to the night team at 6:01 like they're infected with the plague. Anyways, back to the story. So we're all sitting around in the workroom in the afternoon, trying to keep our mess of a team from imploding, and I hear "Rapid Response..." announced overhead. So I run up to the room and--you guys, this was a big deal--I was calm. For the first time in the last two and a half years of being on the Code Team, my legs and voice weren't shaking when I arrived. I'm not kidding. I still have nearly a full blown panic attack any time I run to a code or have to transfer a kid to the PICU. But yesterday I felt like I at least had some handle on what was going on, and successfully ran the rapid response and dismissed everyone when it was over. Of course, this is probably due to the fact that this was the fourth pseudoseizure event this month, along with two actual status epilepticus patients, so I've probably just become decent at watching kids shake. But this also came on the heels of getting one of sick kids down to the PICU last Friday without calling a code, which, trust me, is an equally impressive feat. Don't get me wrong, I will still be super glad when I hand over those pagers for the last time, but I had to brag a little bit that at least I've gotten to the point where I don't have to give myself the Ativan.