My new Everybody Committee

A friend and I were reading through a magazine yesterday and came across an article that stimulated a lot of good conversation. I do not claim the ideas as my own, only wanted to share them.

The writer asserts that much of our negative self-view is built up from holding onto the opinions of a few judgmental people around us and extrapolating that into the view of "everybody." That one girl that told me I was the worst player on the soccer team when we were seven shattered my confidence playing the game for years, because I was convinced that "everybody" felt the same way. The girl in middle school who implied (and not very subtly) that I was ugly has been sticking in the back of my mind since, saying "everybody" thinks the girl next to me is prettier. Of course we all know that we shouldn't listen to these voices, but even loved ones can unwittingly damage our self-esteem. I share a dream of mine and someone tells me that it's unrealistic, or I admit to a fear and get told that I just need to get over it. What I hear is that "everybody" thinks my feelings aren't important. We appoint these people, perhaps unknowingly, as our "everybody committee" who sit before us and judge our actions. In reality, of course, they are not sitting around critiquing us (more likely, they're thinking that we're critiquing them), but we tell ourselves they are. The key, the author of this article says, is to remake your "everybody committee" with people who love you unconditionally. Use their opinions of you (or imaginary opinions, since remember, they're not really sitting around judging) to build up your confidence.

Here's the steps if you're curious. For me to stay grounded, I know that Jesus needs to be a part of my committee, but I was able to come up with 3 other people right away who also get seats. At first I felt guilty for leaving some people off. It doesn't mean they don't love me or that I don't love them or value their opinions, just that their voices don't get to validate my decisions or worth.

In the end, I think that a good amount of time in prayer focused on our worth as children of God might have the same end effect, but this was an interesting activity for a Saturday afternoon. And if you disagree, I guess I don't have to care.