Our hidden capes

"I want to dedicate this award to my son, who has been wearing a Superman costume for the past 47 days."
"Yay Supermommy!" The 4-year-old yells from the back. We all laugh.
"Every day he asks me to tell him stories of people who need 'Help, help!'" More laughs. "Lots of people told him that they liked his cape when they came in, but the truth is that we all wear capes underneath our coats."

It's daunting. Knowing that in 3 days, I will become my patient's biggest advocate, the member of their health care team that sees them the most, knows the most about them. No matter how much we remind them that we are still only students, we become "Doc" to them. We will become, in a very real sense, heroes. Heroes who have to break the news of cancer to a man with 4 small children at home. Heroes who get to assist on emergency surgery to save someone's life. Heroes who bring their patients ice cream sandwiches, and who understand what it's like to be in an unfamiliar environment, with everyone speaking a language you don't understand, not knowing what will happen to you. It's daunting. And it's thrilling. I am about to embark on a journey that will teach me more and push me more than I would have ever dreamed. I will have the opportunity to touch people in their most vulnerable moments, to see real healing. It's a calling that has few equals in this world, and I don't say that out of arrogance, because I question every day whether I have what it takes, and why God brought me here. I say it out of reverence and awe for the things I know I will experience in my career, for the gift of being a physician. I hope that I will be able to share some of it with all of you, but the longer I'm in this field, the more I realize how hard it is for outsiders to understand the great responsibility we hold, the gravity of our decisions, the toll it takes on us, but how we wouldn't trade it for anything. (Again, I say that not out of arrogance, but awe.)

The resident (Supermommy) closed by thanking the students she'd had the chance to work with, commenting that many times she found her patients' rooms empty when she went looking for them. The students had taken their patients for a walk around the hospital. "And as they walked," she said, "I could just see a flash of red underneath their short white coats."

Brian Larkin Sunday

Hazzah for a near perfect Sunday. Started with a low key morning with the comics, followed by a near perfect football game (except for the extra point I dropped because my hair was in my eyes) in which we mercy-ruled the other team and posted a shut-out. Our defense was so on. That alone would have been a day-maker. But then I got to spend the rest of the day enjoying the beautiful sunshine at Wash Park playing volleyball. And now I am just killing time until school starts tomorrow, might read a book or watch a movie.

My roommate and I were just talking about how we're so excited to take a giant step towards becoming normal people. Not sure if that needs clarification. See, when all you do is study all the time, not only are you a hermit, but when you do show your face in social situations, you don't have anything to talk about except what you studied that day, and any mention of virtually anything just triggers a dozen word-associations to medical terms and conditions. But now, as third years, our studying will consist of interacting with real people, not books (at least not solely books), and when we get off work (granted, that won't happen very often), we are done. No longer hermits, just workaholics, but at least we'll now have something to talk about, because sick people (especially sick people in the psych ward, which is our first rotation) are always interesting.

I don't know if this holds any weight, but I read "90 Minutes of Heaven" and his description of heaven is exactly how I pictured it. Constant joy, surrounded by people we love who have been a part of our spiritual journey, not given the chance to miss anything about earth because all we're experiencing is perfection. A decent read, if you get a chance.

RedBox Recommendations--Dan in Real Life. Pretty funny and totally real people and real conversations. "You are a MURDERER of love!!!!!" Hahaha.

True Devotion

"a lady called to me, so blessed, so lovely
that I implored to serve at her command." (Canto II-Inferno)

Ignoring for a moment my nerdiness at reading the Divine Comedy during my week off...
I was really struck by this line; although Virgil is describing Beatrice, I thought it appropriate for Mary as well. It falls right in line with "True Devotion" where St. Louis says that slavery to Mary is not something we are forced to do, but something we gladly submit ourselves to out of love. I didn't quite understand that. Serving someone out of love, yes. Slavery? Not so much. But this quote made me think of people that I love and how, if they were sick or in need, I would ask how I could serve them. Then go exponentially beyond that both in love and in worthiness of the person I'm serving, and I can see where slavery might be a privilege. Granted, it's still hard for me to picture Mary in my head, the crown jewel of creation. It's beyond me, but if I picture the most blessed, lovely woman, and then push it even further, how could I not implore to serve her, especially when her command is "Do whatever He tells you." Gives me something to think about the next time I do my Total Consecration.

Step 1...Check

I know I've probably told some of you this, but I am just still in awe of how smoothly these last four weeks have gone. Touted as the worst weeks of medical school by my predecessors, I have to say I was essentially dreading my time studying for and taking the boards. But I know that all of your prayers must have been working, because I was somehow able to stay focused and get through it without too much of a struggle. I mean, of course I would have rather been outside playing frisbee or going to happy hour or watching movies or just about anything else, but with four weeks of no one keeping tabs on me, it's still hard to believe that I sat down and studied every day, kept on schedule, and managed to get through everything. I know that many graces were keeping me from freaking out or blowing it off or getting depressed or having panic attacks (at least too much). So I wanted to thank you for your prayers and say that they truly worked. Now, the whole matter of grading will take six weeks to decide, but honestly, I was more worried with making it through the studying than the test. So thanks.

High: I got to catch up with an old high school teacher and coach today, one of the few who probably even remembers me. It was just a highlight of my day, I think also because I could tell he was proud of me and what I was doing.

RedBox recommendations (movies I've rented and liked recently): The Jane Austen Book Club, No Reservations

Good song: What If You Stay-Chuck Wicks