Another year in books

Yes, some people still read. As in books. I do not understand people that say "I don't read books." And I am extremely heartened by the studies that have come out this year saying that reading paper books is better and by the fact that the AAP finally verbalized what all of us have known for some time: that kids should be read to every day. Reading is just good for you. Not magazines. Not Huff Post articles. Books.

However, I do realize that my volume is a little atypical: this year I read 45 books, including 11 non-fiction titles and 8 books-on-tape (which I'm not claiming have the same benefits, but it sure beats falling asleep during my 45 minute commute home from work). And I have decided to share the best with you. Lucky you.

My Top 3 Books of 2014 (in alphabetical order)
The Giver (Lois Lowry, 1993)--okay, this one was a re-read, in honor of the upcoming movie, since I didn't remember much from 6th grade except the sled and the color red. If you haven't read this, please do. It's the original dystopian novel, so much simpler and more moving than "Divergent" or "The Hunger Games". There are echoes of today's society, like "releasing" the deformed, troublesome, and elderly; trying to remove childbearing from marriage; and government regulation of everything. There are people today who agree that all of our freedoms and emotions aren't worth the heartache they cause--but it's a perfect example that life to the full doesn't mean life without suffering, and even if you take all suffering away, it won't bring happiness.

The Invention of Wings (Sue Monk Kidd, 2014)--This book was an incredibly engaging look at slavery in the South shortly before the Civil War. It details the relationship between an idealistic young Charleston woman and her brash waiting maid, as well as the cultural barriers they both face growing up. It's stark, often very hard to read, but hopeful and thought-provoking as well. Any fans of historical fiction, strong characters, or just a good story should add this to their list.

The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down (Anne Fadiman, 1997)--as I've already mentioned, this book is a must read for anyone in healthcare or that deals with other cultures, but really, for everybody. This book riled me up more than any other book I read this year, and has changed the way I approach medicine (at least a little bit, at least I hope).

5 Other Great Reads
Clear and Present Danger (Tom Clancy)--an intricate spy novel, detailed but engaging
Leaving Van Gogh (Carol Wallace)--a beautiful look at art, mental illness, friendship, and family
Saint John Paul the Great: His Five Loves (Jason Evert)--the latest on JPII, a wonderfully personable portrayal
Station Eleven (Emily St John Mandel)--a science fiction novel of sorts, wonderful characters and a moving story
The Tiger's Wife (Tea Obreht)--lots to think about in this fantastical tale of a young doctor dealing with the death of her grandfather

As always, I'm up for discussions and book recommendations. Here's hoping for more library card use from all of us in the new year.

This Year, Next Year

Inspired by a friend's post, I present a year-in-review/new-year's-resolution brainstorming session. Goals for next year are subject to change.

14 Things I Did in 2014

1. Played camp doctor for Camp Wojtyla for almost 2 weeks.

2. First (and second) adventure race

3. Learned how to make kale chips

4. Diagnosed leukemia and diabetes

5. Was a High Roller in the Bike MS

6. Read over 40 books

7. Gave speed dating a shot

8. Certified as a Wilderness First Responder

9. Became the education liaison for one of our sites

10. House reunion with all 7 of us (albeit some were Face Timed in)

11. Toured Ireland—SO many other things could fall under this. Let’s just say amazing trip.

12. Trap shooting

13. 2 time flag football champion

14. Spiritual Exercises silent retreat

15 Things I Want To Do in 2015

1. Play in a basketball league for the first time in 12 years.

2. Repeat stint as Camp Doctor, this time for 4 weeks, and become an expert hammock camper

3. Three Colorado sporting events

4. Trip to the Outer Banks

5. Complete my first skiing 4 pack

6. Send a “just because” card once a month

7. Try out a new recipe once a month

8. Attend New Faculty Development Workshop

9. Clean my bathroom every 2 weeks (this one might last about 2 weeks)

10. Take a class

11. Do something that makes me sweat 4 days a week

12. Make progress as part of the Faculty Resilience Council

13. Book the El Camino Trip

14. Finish “Time for God” by Jacques Phillipe

15. Refresh my intubation skills in the OR

A year to live

What would top your Bucket List if you had a year to live?

This was the topic of our conversation at dinner last week. Not because any of us are dying (well, we’re all dying), but it came up while discussing the book I just finished, “Being Mortal” by surgeon Atul Gawande. The book discusses, among other things, how priorities changed for people depending on how much time they thought they had left.

Those who thought they were near the end focused more on family, friends, and comfort, while those with their entire lives in front of them were more likely to explore new connections, pursue long-term achievements, and ignore their family.

I was encouraged to think that I wouldn’t be doing things a whole lot differently than I am now. The main thing is I would push forward some trips that have been in planning for a while. I would return to Kansas City to visit friends, I would embark on one last big adventure (Long’s Peak, el Camino, the Incan trail, etc), and I would keep doing what I’m doing. Working at a job I love, playing sports, being with family, volunteering with camp, enjoying creation.

I will admit that in the little things, I could do a much better job of making the most of each day. After all, no one wants to think back in their final moments about how much time they wasted surfing the internet or doing Sudoku. So perhaps one of my resolutions in the new year could be to spend less time on things I might regret and more time on things that make my life more full.

Life to the full. That should be on everyone's Bucket List.

Some days are worse than others

This week I had to tell a mom her daughter had cancer.

It did not go well.

When the patient checked in, I thought that “Fever, cough” indicated yet another flu victim. But as I heard the story and progressed through my exam, my suspicions grew. And as I left the room to put orders in, I told the nurse, “She has leukemia.” Twenty minutes later when I had the first of the lab results back, I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing that I would have to break the news. The worst news. The news no parent wants to hear.

There is no way to predict how someone will respond. I expected tears. I didn’t expect what actually happened. It’s probably one of the most disconcerting things I’ve ever experienced to be the cause of that kind of reaction—screaming, fist-pounding, falling to the floor, more screaming. Top of the lungs screaming. Heart-rending screaming. Agony. I hated being the cause—even indirectly—of that level of anguish. I could do nothing to make it all okay, to make it all go away. In that moment, I was powerless.

Maybe that’s what I hate. Being helpless. At least when I’m suffering, I participate in the struggle, I have a role, I fight. But watching someone else grieve, watching someone else ache—I can’t fight her battle. It breaks me. So I pray. Because God knows what He’s doing. He holds that toddler and her mom just as He holds me. I’m trying to convince myself of that even as I type it. That I don’t have to have all the answers. I don’t have to be perfect. I have to present, and I have to be faithful. He will do the rest.

God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.                                       -John Cardinal Henry Newman