Breaking the chains

I've spent the last 46 days (because this year I determined that it would behoove me more to include Sundays in my Lenten penance) disconnected from facebook (minus one, and only one, foray to retrieve a cell phone number that I had nowhere else...and I didn't even look at my wall).

It has been painful at times. Mindlessly scrolling through the apps on my phone looking for that blue and white logo even though I deleted the app because I didn't trust my self-control (clearly a wise choice), taking a picture to post before I remembered that I couldn't post it anywhere, collecting ridiculous hashtags to share with no one in particular, wondering what was going on in the lives of those people that I only connect with on facebook.

In other ways, it's been freeing. My husband says he notices me present more often. I have read more for pleasure during Lent than I normally do. I was able to commit to prayer time more faithfully, often before the end of day, so that it wasn't the last thing I did as I pulled the sheets up. I learned that I can indeed survive without it.

But I also realized that I am an addict. As I mentioned, my fingers are so used to pulling up the app on my phone that I kept looking for it even though I knew I had deleted it. I felt the urge to get on at multiple times throughout the day. I am still looking forward to getting on tomorrow and seeing what all I've missed in the last seven weeks (I also realized I get most of my news stories from facebook--depressing and embarrassing--because I missed such major things as a doctor getting dragged off a plane, and the US bombing ISIS). And so I want something to change. I don't want this Lent to have been a 46 day interlude that holds no lasting effect.

So I've been thinking about what I actually enjoy about facebook. I do like keeping in touch with more people, people that it's not feasible to talk to or text all the time, but who I still want in my life. I like being able to share articles, pictures, milestones, etc. And I've been thinking about what I don't like. The comparison of my own very real life to the facades that I measure up against, the mindless trolling that wastes so much time, the resentment that creeps in when my "friends" post inflammatory rants or memes.

I think the internet and social media can be a force for goodness, truth, and beauty. So that will be my new goal. I want to share God as much in that venue as I strive to in my personal life. I want people to see my page as a reflection of me, not a sarcastic or attention-seeking version, but an authentic one. It will probably mean I'm on a lot less often, and that's okay. In fact, I hope that's the case. Maybe it will give me more time to write and blog, which I've been wanting to get back to anyways (I can use the same goals for this venture, I suppose).

And here's hoping that next year, I will have achieved a balance so that I can move on to a different Lenten sacrifice. And here's also hoping that I (and you) can use social media to our purposes, rather than being slaves to it.