Thanks. Just thanks.

So, inspired by Hilary, I decided to keep a gratitude log for a week. Not just little things like “good breakfast” or “warm car” although those things are nice. But to really focus on something that really makes me grateful. And when this week started, I felt like I was going to need something to keep me positive. Here’s what happened…

2/13—Today at work a lot of things went wrong. I know, not the best way to start a “gratitude log”. Hear me out. We had difficult patient issues, members of our team who were not feeling well, and then to top it all off, the entire paging system in the hospital crashed, making it very difficult to communicate. However, amidst all of this, today we had a couple of my favorite nurses taking care of our kiddos, and it was just super refreshing to see faces that you know, who know you by name and know that you’re working hard, and who do what they can to help you out, and who go above and beyond without being asked. It makes me love my job even more when I feel like part of a team that is firing on all cylinders (or however many cylinders there are when your pager isn’t working).

2/14—While I may have eaten a little too much my weight in Valentine’s Day treats today, I burned off at least half of it laughing. I generally am a neurotically efficiency-crazy person (WHY do rounds take so long!), but I am always happy to pause for stories that make tears stream down my face and my stomach hurt. Like one of my fellow residents shutting herself in her (not walk-in) closet for a mental breakdown, or a child-to-remain-unnamed who used the kitty litter box for her own and still won’t live it down. Or my new favorite video that makes me feel so normal and well-adjusted. Today, I am most definitely grateful for JOY!

2/15—A patient of mine that has been a real struggle this week in many ways was starting to show signs of improvement. Very small signs, and there are still a lot of unanswered questions. More than answered questions by far. But I am grateful for baby steps, for moving towards a goal, for the ability to pray for my patients in addition to offering medicine. It’s not perfect, but it’s something.

2/16—Biscuits and gravy for Halfway Breakfast? Attending brings me a grande latte? Cosentino’s desserts on the counter? Only one admission today? Yup, lots to be thankful for!

2/17—Tonight was Brandi’s bachelorette party. And bridal shower. It was a “showerlette”, which I’m pretty sure is a made-up word. Brandi is my co-senior on Green Team this month, which means she’s spending more time with me than with her fiancé. Yeah, I think it’s true. Brandi is outgoing and expressive and bubbly and confident, and her friends can throw a crazy party! Most fun I’ve had in a LONG time! I’m thankful for Brandi, and for her getting married, and for Italian wine and good friends and better-than-sex cheesecake.

2/18—Was really tired today due to said “showerlette”. But I’m grateful that it was a shorter day than most, that I got done in time to go to Mass, and that I can go to bed early, ‘cause I do love me some sleep!

2/19—I’m super grateful, again and again, that I have a job where more days than not, I wake up excited to go to work. Well, actually I wake up feeling like a truck hit me and I need about 2 more hours of sleep, but once I’ve had my coffee, I’m excited to be at work. I am often reminded of how blessed I am to have work that is fulfilling and challenging, with people that I love, in a supportive environment.

Well, that was fun. The week wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I guess I have a lot to be thankful for. Thanks, Hilary.

The sun'll come out...

Today I was reminded how little it takes to ruin someone's day. But we're not going to talk about that. Because A) It's my blog and ranting about it will only make me madder, and B) I was also reminded how little it takes to brighten someone's day. Whether it's commiserating about the trials of dating, funny jokes about dead pets (sounds morbid, but you had to be there, man, I was crying I was laughing so hard), awesome cards/packages in the mail, or a friend who backs you up no matter what.

You never know how someone's day is going or what's on their mind, but you can choose how you interact with them.

Today, I'm grateful that I am surrounded mostly by people who choose to brighten. And for cookies.

Residency 2.7: Community Office Month

I spent the last month at a community pediatrics office, an experience meant to expose us to the scope of practice and lifestyle of your average outpatient general pediatrician. You would think that since the goal of residency is to train a general pediatrician that we would have more experiences like this. I wish we did. The patient population served by the office I was at was way different (read: more educated and possessing health insurance) than that served by Children's Mercy in general. And the questions are way different. Not so much, "Can you help me buy a crib?" and "I missed my bus, how do I get home?" and more of the "I'm a little worried she didn't learn all of her colors before her second birthday, how far behind is she?"

Okay, that's stereotyping a bit. In truth though, it was a great window into what I envision my career likely being--seeing kids from the time they're born until they off to college, knowing their siblings names and their parents' jobs, and being able to recommend normal over-the-counter stuff without having to worry that they can't afford it. Being able to spend some of the visit having tickle fights because you saw them last month and know you already went over how to treat a cold. But also being able to see a 4 week old with bronchiolitis and be able to see him the next day, that continuity of care that just isn't possible when you're off to something new every month. I know I'm in a learning phase, and I have a long way to go, but I'm excited to get to the next step too. Cause I'm pretty good at tickle fights.

Over easy

A & E made me quiche last night. (well, really, they made it for them and I invited myself over...details...) Not just any quiche, but leek and gruyere (had to look up how to spell that) quiche with whole wheat crust from Jacques Pepin's cookbook. With dacquiris. So much more sophisticated that the pour-the-premade-mix-into-the-premade-crust broccoli and cheddar quiche that dad would make growing up. Don't get me wrong, it was delicious to a 9 year old palate, and even more fun (for whatever reason) to eat with our plates on the window sill and our head behind the curtains (yeah, I know, we were [are?] weird). Don't worry, last night we ate with our plates on the table, nowhere near the windows.

Love breakfast for dinner. Or for anytime, really. Love friends that don't mind eating in and watching documentaries about turtles, or playing nerdy games, or just doing nothing.

Not the peace that the world gives

I've been reading this book at the recommendation of a friend, and it's stimulated so many thoughts and struggles and, yes, peace. It's funny, it may not be the book specifically (although it's wonderful, and probably just what I need) so much as the fact that it makes me want to pray, and that I have been praying, and that it's been real prayer, not just sit-on-the-couch-hold-the-Bible-in-your-hands-and-close-your-eyes-until-your-coffee-gets-cold-and-you-have-to-get-ready-for-work prayer.

It's amazing the things that happen when you take time to examine your life and see where you are shutting God out and where He is calling you to calm the heck down and just TRUST HIM.

It's also amazing how a book about peace can cause all this unrest. But not in a bad way, just that it's stirring up all the areas where I'm unsettled and making me stare them in the face. And I find myself extremely grateful that "the Spirit intercedes for us" because I'm feeling too many things at once to put them all into words, but God knows exactly what each of those is.

Not quite National Lampoon's, but not quite normal

My parents have said that I'm not allowed to call my family dysfunctional. And we're not. Not in the let's-visit-Aunt-Helen-in-the-state-penitentiary-for-Christmas sense of the word. I mean, I don't even have an Aunt Helen, so who was that lady???

No, my family is...well, I'm not quite sure what the word is. But after being home for a week, I can't even remember all the times when I thought, "Only in my family would this be happening." The fact that I can't remember them doesn't inspire hope that this will be a great blog post, but let's see what I can dig up.

The main dysfunction centered around our pre-planned trip to Glenwood Springs, which my mom pre-planned before we knew that the mountains would be desperately short on snow for skiing. We couldn't even figure out how many cars to take because Mary had used her last remaining day off to go skiing two days ago so we were waiting for her to get off work, but then mom springs the fact that we're bringing the dog, and mutiny ensues. We will put up with togetherness for New Year's Eve. We will sacrifice friend time to be trapped in the mountains with each other. We will even suffer the 3 hour car ride up there. But we will not cram 6 people and luggage and a dog into one car. Not happening.

The next morning, we're off to ski. Or so we thought. Driving up to the resort, we wound through several miles of...grassy hills. NOT the most inspiring ski conditions. "Uh, mom, are you sure that the ski resort is even open?" Images of those little kids trying to sled on half an inch of snow flash through my mind--not exactly a traditional Colorado winter. More like Colorado July.

Having not skied in about ten years (shameful cowering in the corner over how pathetic of a Colorado native I am...don't hate me), I was just looking forward to getting on the slope. However, season-pass-holding, new-skis-owning Mary just about died that we were skipping Vail, Beaver Creek, or Copper for...get ready for it...Sunlight Mountain Resort! Where? Yup, this gem of a ski area had three (three!) chair lifts. Not even real chair lifts with the drop down bar. Nope, these tw0-seaters were more than happy to just let you fall right off if you happened to forget to grab the bar in the middle. Don't worry, we only found one run where we skied straight over rocks. It's fine. It's probably like that everywhere. Who finds these places???


No, in all seriousness, the snow wasn't that bad once it melted a bit, and I had a lot of fun finding my ski legs again.

Dysfunction part 2 came the following day when we were off to explore Glenwood Caverns Adventure Park. Theoretically a fun place...unless 60 mph winds close down the tram to the park and half of the attractions. But who's gonna let that stop them? Not. Us.

Again, seriously, we had a good time. Even Mary said, "I didn't think that was going to be fun, but it was." And she didn't even win at laser tag.

Further dysfunction ensued that night trying to watch my mom order and drink her first beer in 20 years (she gave it to Kelly to finish--am I allowed to say that?). And the fact that we hit up a cheap liquor store for some bubbly on the way home, toasted in our hotel room at 8 pm, and I was asleep by 11 to ring in the new year.


But the clearest mark of whatever it is we're calling this Zapapas-ness was from Christmas morning, when Mary dumped out her stocking. My parents (I mean Santa) are always down to the wire when it comes to stocking stuffers, but I think this one takes the cake. They got Mary...used chapstick. Who does that? My family does, that's who.

I guess I'll keep 'em around. Otherwise I'm pretty short on entertainment.

Ringin' it in

Happy 2012 y'all! The new year came with all of my traditional fan fare...I was asleep by 11, thank you very much. And it was glorious! My family did pop some bubbly and toast around 8, and I saw some very mediocre performances on New Year's Rockin' Eve, so I don't really feel like I missed much.

In looking back on the year that was, I'm surprised at how fast it went, and how little I have to say for it. I mean, most of what I did with my year was be a resident. I mean, there were a few bright spots. Got to see my first NFL game, had a couple of really fun weddings, a lovely trip to Telluride (trivia: first town in Colorado with electricity), and enjoyed being a resident for the most part. But that's it. Not a bad year by any means, but not a spectacular year.

And so, I've made a resolution to do more this year. Less sitting around by myself, less going straight home after work, less laziness. More bike rides, more happy hours, more prep questions, more trips, more praying, more planning activities for my days off, more Kilimanjaro! Hopefully with that one resolution, I will also be more active, a better friend, a better doctor, closer to God, and happier.

So that in 366 days, I can look back on 2012 and say, man, that was a good year.